In the last week I have been feeling a whole lot of feelings about running a creative business.
Tough ones. Caught in a ball in my throat constantly threatening to spill out in the form of tears feelings.
Stuff I haven’t felt since before I began. In fact almost exactly what I felt before I began offering e-courses.
Of invisibility.
Of aloneness.
Of feeling a tiny fish in a really big pond and not really being able to swim with the big fishes.
Of not wanting to be a ‘big’ or really well known, but just wanting to feel ‘seen’ and finding a place where I fit in.
Of feeling like I don’t fit in where I thought I would.
Of ‘who am I to’?
Of not being enough and that for everything I teach there is someone teaching it to a bigger audience.
I have been having these feelings like I want to quit my creative work (which I have really never felt in these last 2 years as I feel absolutely grateful that I have been able to do this work). Still, I’m getting the urge to run away.
But I won’t run.
I know this present space will lead me to deepen what I can offer to the world, recommit to my creative work on a more soul-purpose level and will deeply reinforce the importance of making people feel seen in my classes.
I know that there is a place online and in person where I do fit in, where I do feel seen.
I know that this feeling of wanting to run away means that there is something important I still have to do.
I also owe it to those women who have decided to ‘be their own muse’ not to quit.
But truthfully, I wanted to spill this now, in the midst of it {when it truly feels like shit}.
Not just after, when I’ve had a ‘realization’ or made it through to the new discovery.
In case you’re where I am or have been there, or in case it comes in the future. I want you to know you are not alone and not to quit whatever it is (be it opening an etsy shop or teaching a workshop) if the urge to quit comes from fear.
This whole photography journey for me came from a feeling of emptiness. Of sitting with that emptiness and seeing what it had to teach me. Of not running away from it. So I know, whatever this present urge to quit or to give up is, it is a teacher.
I’ll listen to it, journal through it and keep moving forward into whatever is next.
