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I feel like I’ve been sharing a lot of news and adventures this fall with you here on the blog but behind the scenes there has been a lot more going on. Good, tender, healing, vulnerable stuff. The kind that I generally keep a bit quiet. But today felt like a day when I thought I’d share it with you, a bit of what has been going on behind the scenes.
Behind the scenes I’ve been showing up for big dreams. Writing. Working on that book I mentioned a few months back. Writing a book proposal and putting it out to the world (or rather, a few publishers).
Behind the scenes I’ve been holding onto hope when one showed very excited interest. Holding onto the belief that this could actually happen. Then negotiating the ouch of the rejection that I know is a part of finding a publisher that is the right fit for this book. Then cultivating resilience.
Behind the scenes I’ve been stepping into a new stage of ‘Being my Own Beloved’ and seeing the years of healing through self-portraiture lead to a softening, a quieting of my inner critic and what feels like some deep wounds being healed.
Behind the scenes I’m tucked away in the back corner of my favourite cafe commenting on photos in my E-Course flickr group. I am truly in awe of photos the Be Your Own Beloved participants have been sharing this session. This session they have been so very brave, so vulnerable, so inspiring and I am SO deeply grateful for them and for the fact that I get to do this work in the world. So grateful.
Behind the scenes I’m feeling the absence of having a few close friends moving out of town, feeling the vulnerability of seeking out new friends and gratitude for a book club I recently joined that is so meeting that need. Behind the scenes I am noticing how much time alone I spend and its value, as well as the ways I keep people at bay.
Behind the scenes I have my nose in a book in a cafe, or an audiobook coming through my earphones on yet another long walk. Or I am just walking and letting ideas form (creating that space for ideas feels like an important part of my creative process).
Behind the scenes I am just feeling a bit more quiet than usual. Perhaps its because of the dark season. Behind the scenes I am remembering the tools I’ve cultivated over the years to get through the grey season without going into the blues. Putting winter self-care policies into place.
Behind the scenes I am spilling ideas into my journal and deepening my commitment to this work, both in terms of my own healing as well as the work I’m putting out into the world.
All of these things are kind of hard to put into words and feel way to personal or private, or in some cases too simple to spill into big blog posts. But we all have things going on behind the curtain, behind the scenes and today I just wanted to whisper them to you so you know that if I’m a bit quiet over here, its with good reason. Of healing, of showing up, of being let down, of resilience, of learning, of writing, of hoping, of preparing, of repairing.
How are you, behind the scenes?