Each time I’m running Be Your Own Beloved I take part in the class too. I’m so loving how each time I do, even though they might be the same prompts, I experience them differently.
I feel like its important for me to be right there alongside them doing this work as they are bravely engaging in the activities.
But at the same time I also am doing it for myself. Because this self-love journey is so multi-layered. Because these prompts come from my own healing journey and they aren’t meant just to do once and suddenly we see ourselves with love and the inner critic disappears. Because doing these same prompts again I’m amazed at how much new realizations emerge. New layers of the healing.
I try to take my self-portraits with my iPhone as I participate alongside the participants. In this class, more than ever, I really want people to not feel the need to take a ‘perfect’ photo. That it isn’t about having a fancy camera or even knowing how to use it. Its just about showing up in our own photos. Our inner critic can come out in reference to our self-image but also to feeling as though our photograph is ‘enough’.
Yesterday’s photo was one of those ‘digging in deeper’ moments for me. I shared this with the participants in the flickr group:
The truth of today is that I see tiredness in my own eyes, I see me but without a spark.
The truth of today is that I really wanted to retake this and not share it.
The truth of today is that I often do reshoot until I get one that I really feel like I can see myself with kindness in but that today I stopped myself from shooting more because I really want to share more of the ones in between, the ones that are outside of my comfort zones and really show up for you amazing #beyourownbeloved participants and not just with happy jumping photos and feeling sassy. So this is the truth of today.
Now, I think sometimes folks might think that because I do this work that taking self-portraits is easy-breazy, that I’m 100% comfortable with taking photos.
But its the opposite. While its not so much outside of my comfort zone to take out the camera and engage in the act of taking self-portraits, the work of seeing myself with kindness is ongoing and ever evolving. I’m definitely feeling the effects of years of doing this work and am seeing myself with much more compassion lately. Yet that doesn’t mean taking selfies is always easy (mind you….I do make sure I have fun amidst the work of self-compassion).
Like yesterday when I took that one and felt drawn to see her with compassion, with her tired eyes and a shot I might have normally retaken.
So I wanted to share this moment with you. The in between. The days when just showing up in front of the camera and telling the truth of the day is more than enough.