Fear.
It doesn’t feel good at all but it sure is a BIG teacher.
This past week has been a BIG fear facing week for me.
Of having every cell in my body want to do anything but go out of my comfort zone and of being seconds away from running wildly away from the fear and back into my safety bubble.
I confess it hasn’t been pretty. It has been tears streaming, hyper-ventalating, panic-inducing and truth facing.
But I made it through.
Its been pretty exhausting to face fear like this (I’m going to share more of the story tomorrow in another blog post) but it was all about doing a ‘talk’ at a local gallery that wildly unearthed a whole lot of feelings around worthiness, public speaking, being an introvert on ‘stage’ and feeling supported. It was a whirlwind of fear.
But I made it through it and across the threshold of my comfort zone (and I totally was okay doing the talk…I was so worried I either would cry or wouldn’t be able to get my words out…neither of which remotely happened…oh the relief)!
Now that I’ve made it outside of my comfort zone and past the fear, I feel more able to look at the process of fear from outside the experience itself.
Facing fear is such a big part of taking self-portraits too….hearing those stories of the way we might have seen ourselves in photos and saying ‘No, I want to try this, my way, and see what happens’.
Our inner critics don’t like change, do they!
They want us to stay in the comfort of what we know.
Even if it doesn’t serve us.
Even if it doesn’t encourage us.
Our inner critics priority is keeping us in our comfort zone and not letting us out.
In my classes we talk a lot about our inner critic and pushing past it as taking self-portraits is outside of the comfort zone for so many of us.
The hardest part is often just getting to the point where we pick up the camera and go for it or click the button and sign up for the class or share that first photo in the Flickr group.
Once we elbow our way past our inner critic, perhaps even filled with fear, we get past the threshold and find ourselves held in the company of people doing exactly the same thing.
Today and yesterday have been the first days of 2 brand new classes: Beloved Beginnings (for those just beginning their journey to see themselves with kindness through self-portraiture) and Beloved Body (for those who have taken the original Be Your Own Beloved class and are ready for more).
The first day of class as I send out the prompts there is always this big pause between people reading it and posting their photos and I confess I got teary seeing all of the photos of those Beloved Beginners pour into the Flickr Group. Seeing people push past the fear and say YES, especially since they don’t know what opening the door to self-portraits might hold and that it might put us knee (or neck) deep in old stories that we might need to let go of.
Now that I’m past that 5 days of full on fear I’m slowly feeling the gratitude for it seeping in.
Because I don’t want this lifetime to be stagnant. I don’t want to stay in old stories just because they are safe.
I’ve always loved this quote:
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-Anais Nin
and this past week really makes me think of it and how painful it can actually be to remain in that bud, even excruciating and how scary it is sometimes to take that risk when everything in us is telling us to remain the bud….and what a release it is to push past it and take the risk to blossom.
Oh…and if you’re interested in joining in for Beloved Beginnings or Beloved Body…registration is only open for a couple more days and class has begun (but its not at all too late to get caught up)!