Unencumbered.
Freedom.
Relief & Respite from my Inner Critics.
For a long time, that all seemed very far off.
I felt encumbered, weighed down, marked for a path of self-hate or at least a lifetime spent trying to figure out my way out of it.
Healing our self-hate doesn’t happen in one instant.
It isn’t sudden, but we can cultivate a path that leads us there, creating more and more moments of respite from it along the way.
Thats the way it has been for me…starting with moments that felt unencumbered and free.
When do you feel free from self-hate? Its worth noting those places…will you take a moment and ponder them with me?
Maybe it when we are in the water at a very quiet lake, swimming and feel free & weightless.
On a camping adventure where we haven’t seen a mirror in days but just feel like ourselves in the woods?
Dancing at an outdoor concert surrounded by thousands of people but feeling like you’re dancing like no one is watching?
Or perhaps it is around some dear friends who are really supportive that you just feel like you have the weight of those feelings lifted by their support?
Where did you notice you felt unencumbered & free?
One of the places that I discovered that feeling really shocked me, it was yes….you guessed it…when I would put down my camera in a quiet spot and step into the frame but it wasn’t just standing there that made me feel free. It was inviting playfulness into the mix.
It might be dancing or skipping, or just moving in whatever awkward way felt right for me on that day. That playfulness has always been the key for me stepping out of the cage of self-hate.
I like to say that “Playfulness is the antidote to Fear” and I think the same could be said for self-hate. It truly does physically do something to help me shift then endorphins from being low to feeling energized and back in my body.
Want to try it? Maybe get a little playful in front of the camera today and see if it feels like freedom (try it…it might not seem like it will, but it just may surprise you)!
To be honest, it only started to feel like I was really ‘free’ from my inner critic on an every day basis about a year ago. It had been a really long haul getting to this point. I do feel like self-portraiture has been pivotal in that, but it didn’t shift immediately. It wasn’t just one photo. It was all those little moments of finding a place where I felt free, unencumbered. Those little moments might be a short respite at first, but I found that the more I created those pockets of respite, the closer and closer I came to having it be not just an occasional respite, but the way I could live my life as a whole.
I don’t have it all figured out though. Some days I still need those pockets of respite, those moments of freedom that feel like a deep breath and remind me that self-love is available….for all of us.
This post is part of the Unencumbered Sharing Circle, a gathering of honest first-hand stories about self-loathing, self-love, and the journey between the two. Read more stories, and share your own, right here.