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On Saturday I was heading home from ‘The Drive’, the main street in my neighbourhood and I stumbled across a yard sale.
There she was, shiny and red, cute and vintage. Unlike any other bike I’ve seen.
I asked the price, sure that once I heard it I would easily be able to pick up my groceries and walk home without it.
But then she said it, and it was wicked cheap. So I put down my groceries and gave her a spin.
3 gears,
pedal brakes
big tires
and she’s a folding bike
She rode like a dream and after that trial ride she became mine. I was smitten.
I went home, got my helmet and then headed out to the seawall, a bike path that weaves around the waters edge of this coastal city. I was worried at first that something was wrong, that there was a reason she was so affordable and that I’d need to do repairs but it was such a beautiful ride.
It reminded me of my bike at my parents house that I ride when I’m visiting for cottage time in the summer. Somehow pedal brakes and minimal gears just feels like summer to me, when you just can’t help but coast more and feel happy.
And then my gremlins a.k.a. my inner critic appeared.
Now, my gremlins and I have a long history and after lots and lots of work (and putting them in their place) we’ve kind of been at peace lately.
But there they were rearing their meanie selves again.
I’d bike past store windows and look at my reflection, much like I used to and judge how wide I looked from the side walking by a store window. Did I look like a fool on this bike? As I big girl, do I look silly riding this little bike? Is this bike too funky for me?
This went on for about 5 minutes and my gremlins ranted and raved and sucked the pleasure out of the moment. I remembered how icky it felt to have my gremlins taking over. So I had a conversation with myself that went something like this:
“Do you feel a sense of freedom on this bike?”
Yes.
“Does this bike make you happy”
Yes.
“Does this bike feel really comfortable to ride”
Yes.
“Will this bike allow you to be more free in getting around the city?
Yes.
“Will this bike be able to come on travel adventures with you because it is foldable?”
Yes
“Does this bike make you want to put on vintage dresses and ride it with style?”
Heck yes.
Then this bike is meant for you, and you have to honour it by rockin’ it with confidence.
And I looked up.
Towards me were biking two guys on tall bikes, then a couple on a flourescent pink tandem bike. A few minutes later a recumbant bike and then yes, even a unicycle. Then more and more, people of all body types and ages riding bikes by me. As each of them passed me I had to smile as it felt like the universe was listening and reminding me of this.
You can rock anything if you gather up the confidence to.
But when we get so caught up in our inward chatter, we miss the opportunity to feel really a part of a community that celebrates uniqueness if we just open up to noticing them.
So I let my shoulders relax.
And smiled the rest of the way home. People smiled widely back at me, not because I was riding a funky bike but because I was riding it with a gigantic happy smile on my face.
I wanted to share this with you in case you happen to adventure outside your comfort zone today and have an unexpected visit from your own inner critic. Look up, look outwards and see the beautiful brave diverse world around you and let yourself shine within it.
P.S. A new session of Be Your Own Beloved starts very soon…and is totally an experience where we get the opportunity to say NO to our inner critic, choose our own path and look up and see an amazing community of women ready to encourage & support us!