Learn to See Yourself with Compassion

September 7, 2015

Weekly Selfie Tip – Try Your Timer

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These days, when we think of a selfie we are probably picturing an arm’s length photo of our face, right?

But that is truly only one kind of a selfie.

Today’s selfie tip is to…try your timer.

Because while finding that angle that you love to take your arm’s length selfie at (something I help you figure out in the e-courses) it’s just one perspective of you. Not only that, but when we are taking this kind of selfie we are posing, trying to get our body paused in that one specific angle, pose and perspective.

While there is nothing wrong with posing for a selfie, I don’t know about you, but posing doesn’t necessarily invite me to feel at home in my body. It allows us to see ourselves in a really controlled way but when we try our timer, we just might find that there is another option than posing.

When we put down the camera, set the timer, and go beyond arm’s length our arms are now free to move.

We’re free to take a deep breath, to get grounded, and to decide how we want to move rather than pose.

Yes, that unknown, that uncontrolled ‘How should I move my body for the camera’ can feel vulnerable.

But when we start moving in our photos be it before or during the photo, when we start getting playful we get to see ourselves in a whole other way. In my experience of healing my own negative body image through the tool of self-portraiture, this was the place where I felt like I jumped into a deeper level of healing, and it’s often the same with the participants in Be Your Own Beloved.

Plus, as you’ll find if you take up today’s dare…this is where taking selfies becomes SO much fun too. You aren’t just capturing your physicality in the photo…we may capture the energy of aliveness, the spark of playfulness and what you just might find is that when you do this you get to see the visual story of you in a whole new way.

So how do we use our timer? Where do we find it? How do we Use it?

Here are a few tips for you:

iPhones usually have a timer (unless it is an older one) and for all iPhones you can download the Gorillacam App that allows you not only to use a timer but to take a whole bunch of photos in order to get that one you love…remember last weeks tip of Letting there be Outtakes?
If you have an Android, guess what…you have a timer already! They don’t make it very obvious but it’s there in the settings of your camera.
Most other point and shoots have a timer built into it. Try your timer today…I dare you!
Find a place to prop your timer. It doesn’t need to be on a tripod. Look around you right now and I bet you’ll notice a bunch of places to prop the camera up!
To try it? Just press the timer and play. There may be a moment where you’re not sure what to do, but get playful and see how your body wants to move. Call on the tools you already know like standing in mountain pose, or the way you love to dance, or reach up your arms and stretch. Or explore the pose you like to do in a photo normally, but arm’s free.
Timer photos don’t need to be full body photos either. One thing that can be fun to do is prop your camera at eye level or a bit above, just like you would an arm’s length selfie but this time have your hands free and see how that inspires you to explore being a part of your visual story in a different way. Or try just getting your feet in the frame, or just your hands.

Remember, the tip (and dare) today is just to try your timer. It isn’t about getting a ‘perfect’ selfie. It isn’t about doing something right. It’s just about trying. As I’ve mentioned before here on the blog, the process of learning to see yourself with compassion through the camera isn’t just about the final photo…in fact it’s more about the process we experience in taking it.

Starting with letting ourselves just give it a try!

If you do try your timer today and decide to share it, use the #beyourownbeloved hashtag (which of course you’re welcome to use for any selfie) to share it with the Beloved Community!

September 1, 2015

The Nourish Conference – And A Keynote Announcement!

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I’m SO excited to share some news with you that I’m finally able to spill the beans about today.

I’m the Keynote Speaker at the Nourish Conference.

It’s a body-positive event being held in Saskatoon this November 21st.

The describe the conference as: an event where people of all sizes, shapes, genders, abilities, and backgrounds can gather to celebrate all bodies, support one another as we work toward body acceptance, and build a more inclusive community that values all people.

I’ve been chatting with some of the incredible folks behind this event and know it’s going to be a wildly empowering day and one not to miss. Plus, it’s in Canada. While there is the Body Love Conference happening in the US, there has definitely been a void here that I’m so glad these folks are going to fill this year and beyond.

But of course you don’t have to be in Canada to come! I’ve always wanted to go to Saskatoon and I’m glad it’s located fairly centrally in this big beautiful country (North Dakota, Montana…just a bit north of you).

You can find out more about the event at their website and you’ll find them listed on my events page too. I wanted to mention it today in particular as it’s the last day to apply to be a presenter so if that is of interest to you, you can find the presenter application here!

So, wanna meet up in Saskatoon in November?

August 31, 2015

Weekly Selfie Tips – Let there be Outtakes

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There will be outtakes.

All of us have them. The handful (or dozens) of photos it takes for us to get that one we really love.

If you don’t have outtakes…you’re probably not taking enough photos to make room for the ones you love to appear. Or you have one type of selfie that you take that you know will work and aren’t going out of your comfort zone. But pretty much everyone I know has outtakes, myself included. And if we just take one or two photos, judge ourselves on that one image and quit there, we’re making assumptions of ourselves without really trying.

We all have outtakes.

I have lots of outtakes, every time I take selfies. Some are me having SO much fun that the photo gets a bit ridiculous, some are ones that hold old stories about how I see myself (aka they might feel unflattering and still hold judgement for me) and some are simply the ones it took me to warm up for that one I end up sharing or like the one above, me trying to get the remote to work! It’s a part of the process and the more outtakes you take, the easier it becomes to not judge ourselves by them.

And most of us probably don’t have room on our cameras for ALL the outtakes we’ll need to take to get the ones we love. So we delete them.

But the work of deleting comes in not judging ourselves in the process. Not completely deleting ourselves out of the visual story of our lives. We all have different stories that bring us to want to make peace with the person in the photo, so I definitely don’t want to define what an outtake is for anyone else. What I’m happy to share might be an outtake for someone else and vice versa. Thinking of outtakes as ‘the photos we take in order to get the ones we love’ helps it not be a shame-based relationship to outtakes and makes deleting just a part of the process, not an act of self-hate.

But however we define them, everyone has outtakes.

And let’s choose to not just judge ourselves by our outtakes.

Instead let’s value our perseverance, our resilience and the way we try again even if that outtake brought up an old story.

You might even find that your outtakes surprise you. That they feel more candid, more real than the final selfie you choose to share and hold powerful stories for you. I know that has been the case for me many times. Your outtakes might be a vital part of your visual story.

You can also check out a few of my favourite outtakes shared on Instagram here here and here and both this blog post and this one share outtakes that I’ve taken in the process of getting the one I finally shared on social media.

Yes, it’s easy to think on Instagram that everyone takes that one photo and posts it, easy peasy.

But that’s not the case for me. Nor do I want it to be. Be Your Own Beloved (that starts tomorrow by the way) wasn’t created for folks who find it easy to snap a selfie and post it online. I created the class for folks who like me, find being in photos tender and vulnerable and perhaps a place where old stories of how we see ourselves await.

But it is because those old stories reside there that it is a place where we can choose a new story and reclaim our voice of how we see ourselves.

We’re already gathering for Be Your Own Beloved and the first prompt arrives tomorrow.

Come join us!

And now, for some outtakes from a recent photo adventure where I ended up sharing the photo on the top left on Instagram and the rest are the outtakes it took to get there (cause if I’m asking you to take more photos and be willing to have outtakes, I’d better share some of mine)!

I dare you to share an outtake today…not the photo you’d end up taking but another one that was a part of the process of getting to that one you really love! And share it with us using the #beyourownbeloved hashtag (which of course you’re welcome to use for any selfie). I can’t wait to see your outtakes!

August 28, 2015

The Missing Piece (and the Power it has over Us)

This is what I’m learning about folks who join in for the Be Your Own Beloved class.

They are amazing, vibrant, radiant.

They are wildly multitalented, creative and are often healers or artists or creators themselves.

They have been doing their self-love work already. Through various modalities they have been healing their relationship to self.

They are slowly and surely looking in the mirror with more kindness, even reverence for themselves.

But, as they tell me, there has been this missing piece.

They haven’t seen that self they’ve been working so hard on letting emerge into the world.

Photos feel like a danger zone, visible proof of the old stories they held or the person they thought they had grown out of being.

Photos have felt like a story they no longer feel resonant with.

So they have tuck the photos away, avoid the camera and settle into the experience of being rather than seeing ourselves in this way.

They have tried taking selfies but aren’t sure (maybe even skeptical) how this tool could be a doorway to healing, but they are open to trying.

Through what we learn about one another through our photo sharing, our discussions and the one-on-one mentoring that is an option when you sign up for the class, I’ve been learning more and more about how much folks who are drawn to this program are incredible. Truly. Sometimes their stories absolutely take my breath away.

But I hear from them how much this missing piece has been a struggle for them.

Because we give it weight.

Because we tuck that piece away, the energy around it has grown. We might even fear being in front of the camera. We try not to think about how much it feels like photos have power over us, but it does.

I created the Be Your Own Beloved class because I see these amazing women speak negatively about their images, about their bodies. Deeply powerful folks handing their power over to sources outside of themselves when it comes to their self-image, especially the way we see ourselves through photos.

And I’ve gotta tell you, this class isn’t just about swinging to the other end of the pendulum and immediately creating epic stunning images that you LOVE. Of course I hope that you DO get those image during the class so you can see yourself and can’t help but smile, but the change is what happens in between.

It’s not just about the photo.

It’s about the power we give it. The power we give other’s opinions and judgements.

It’s about cultivating our own voice of how we see ourselves through the camera.

And reclaiming that power back.

And once we’ve reclaimed that power, it’s also about letting photos become something neutral too. Not a question of will we love a photo or hate it. We’re creating a new normal for ourselves where we get to see the person in the camera not as worthy or unworthy but simply ourselves.

We are seeking a lens to see ourselves compassionately and clearly through.

But to get there, we need to begin. To risk seeing photos that will bring up old stories and to make room for the new ones of reclamation and renewal.

That’s what I hope the Be Your Own Beloved class will be for you, a playful way to open the door to that new way of seeing yourself, to reclaiming your own voice through the camera.

Class starts September 1st (this Tuesday) but we’re starting to gather in the class community space over the weekend and joining in for a pre-class activity I have to spark your journey.

If you haven’t experienced the Be Your Own Beloved class yet, I hope that now feels like the right time to choose to let go of those old stories of how you see yourself in photos and open the door to a new story…

August 24, 2015

Weekly Selfie Tips – Remember to Breathe!

Remember to breathe?

Breathing is pretty inherent, right?

You might be thinking “I’m pretty sure I’m doing that when I’m taking a selfie” but next time you take one or when someone aims a camera at you, check and see if you’re holding your breathe. Cause it’s very likely you are.

Here’s why.

When we take a selfie, often we may be even just a bit tense. We’ve got so much running through our head: Am I going to like this photo? Should I stand somewhere else? How should I pose or stand? What if I don’t like it? Maybe I shouldn’t do this. Is the light okay? Is the camera setting okay?

These thoughts and so much more. The more we take selfies, the more we build that trust with ourselves that if we don’t like it, we can just delete it. We also build a relationship with the camera and the light and learn what light and camera tools help us shine.

Especially if we’re new to selfies as a tool for self-love, worries (or our inner critic) appear.

And when we see the photo, we are probably seeing that fear or concern or ‘is this going to look okay’ on our face.

Taking a simple deep breathe (or a few) helps calm us, centre us.

It helps us ground and feel connected to our bodies. It helps put us at ease.

And these things shine through in a photo the same way our fear or worry might too.

Try it and see if your photo look different when you do.

So it’s simple but important…remember to breathe!

If you experiment with this or any of the selfie tips I’m sharing each week, use the #beyourownbeloved hashtag to share it with me and be a part of the Be Your Own Beloved community!

P.S. The Be Your Own Beloved class is starting next Tuesday!