Learn to See Yourself with Compassion

August 19, 2015

A Change in Perspective

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When I first picked up a camera (and fell head over heels in love with seeing the world through it) I wasn’t in the place I am now. I felt like I could only see my life in one perspective, tunnel vision, and that perspective was solidly rooted in my self-doubt and critique. Life was pretty mediocre and somehow I had convinced myself that was what I was deserving of.

But then the point came where every cell of my body started screaming ‘No…you’re wrong…this isn’t the only path your life could take”. What if it could be different? What if you could see yourself differently.

So, terrified, I let go of the tight grip on that perspective of myself and my life and let go.

But doubt still awaited me…who was I to want more? And what in the world might more look like? What was this new paradigm I was hoping to shift to and how in the world was I going to get there.

The camera became my guide.

I realized I didn’t need to know the answers. I knew this as soon as I picked up a camera and started seeing the world through it. It blew my mind how the same old street that I had walked down hundreds of times suddenly looked so different.

I realized that every day I could take my camera out and see something new, see beauty I would otherwise have passed by. To see the world from endless new perspectives.

And I did. There was always beauty to be found. Always a new angle to shoot at. It still feels that way even 9 years later.

That there is always going to be a new perspective, a new way to see through these same eyes.

I didn’t need to know how to ‘figure out my life’. I just needed to keep open to a new perspective and let it unfold.

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So many of the people who join the Be Your Own Beloved class have a very a fixed vision of how they see themselves in photos. It seems set in stone.

“I’m not photogenic”

“Photos feel like proof of all the negative self-talk I have”

“I can’t get a good photo of myself”

I hear these kinds of statements all the time, the sureness of one perspective that to them, has always seemed true. I know that feeling well, as I have felt similarly. I had no expectation that the camera was going to help me heal my relationship to my self image. It was truly outside of the realm of possibility in my mind.

Plus, really, why would I think that? I had seen no clue through photos that the camera could capture me in any other way than the usual way that I could only see with critique. I was sure that I wasn’t beautiful. I saw it in my photo-story and I believed that is what other people saw too. I had proof in those photos. Or did I?

But then it all changed. The more I saw the world around me from brand new perspectives be it a flower petal or feather or taking a portrait of a friend. I approached them as though they were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, because now they were.

When I started turning the camera on myself, somehow a glimmer of that energy broke through the tall walls of self-doubt.

What would happen if I looked at myself in that way?

What if I approached myself as a photo subject and looked for beauty? I could find it everywhere, at any moment. Why not in myself? Why not in ourselves?

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Do you, or did you have a fixed perspective of how you see yourself in photos?

What if you could break that one perspective wide open and see yourself through a whole new viewpoint, a whole new perspective?

And I know it’s scary. I know because I’m not just teaching this, I’m living this work. Because I still can still remember that feeling of believing that there would be no way, ever, that photos could be my ally. I was sure they were my enemy and proof of all negativity my inner critic launched at me.

But it wasn’t. And it doesn’t have to be the only perspective for you too.

I’m deeply passionate about helping people see themselves with kindness through their cameras not because of how much I love myself now, but because of how much I hated myself then.

I spent far too many years with that tunnel vision of self-digust.

I spent far too much energy critiquing myself and stubbornly disbelieving that there could be another way.

I spent far too much of my life worrying about how other people saw me above how I saw myself.

And I don’t want you to spend any longer there either. Because there is a new perspective awaiting you. One the camera will help you see. One that simply needs you to choose to see it. One that is available to any of us if we let it be.

Let’s choose to see ourselves from a different perspective (even if we can’t imagine what that would look like). Let’s trust in ourselves and invite in the camera as our guide.

August 17, 2015

Weekly Selfie Tips – Find a Selfie Spot

I’m starting a new feature here on the blog. Back in April I shared 30 days of Selfie Tips for you and if you don’t have the E-Book of all 30 Tips, it’s my gift to you when you join the mailing list and you can find that link here!

Ever since then I’ve been wanting to share MORE tips with you so I’ve decided to make it a regular feature. Each Monday I’ll be brining you a selfie tip to try during the week. Much like the 30 days of tips, some will be creative, some technical and all will be filled with the energy of learning to see yourself with kindness through your camera. Of course, when you join in for the Be Your Own Beloved class you get even more tips and support (oh, and class starts soon)!

You’ll find the weekly tip here as well as on Instagram!

So let’s get started. Today’s tip is one I recommend especially when folks are just starting out on their selfie journey or are wanting to get back into the practice of using it as a tool for self-compassion and self-care.

Find a selfie spot!

Find a spot where you can find some solitude, some privacy and perhaps even feel like you have some safe sacred space to explore seeing yourself through a lens of kindness.

The fun thing is there is probably already a place that you see or go throughout your day that could be your selfie spot. Having it be a place you can go amongst your daily routine is ideal because we want to create a practice of taking little moments to take selfies, to share your day, to check in with yourself.

The benefits of finding a selfie spot are:

The place or time itself is a reminder to check in with yourself.
You’ve chosen this spot because it feels like you can have a few moments alone to take a selfie. There becomes a safe place for you to honour your selfie journey and take a few moments for yourself.

Are you thinking of a spot already?

Here are a few ideas that come to mind.

A Background – Like today’s example photo, finding a spot where you love the background and you can take some quiet time to take a selfie there. This spot is one of my go-to selfie spots. It’s almost always shady, the leaves awaiting me as a backdrop. It is also a place I go very regularly. Could there be a fence in your yard, maybe a favourite wall in your house or a spot near the window? Take a look around you right now, I bet there could be a go-to selfie spot right where you are.

A Time – It doesn’t even need to be a place. What about a time in your day where you get a moment of solitude. An early morning walk with your dog?

A Practice – Are there practices or routines you do each day that could be a place to pause and take your self-love selfie? Your morning cup of tea? When you open up the blinds each morning to look out the window? When you meet yourself on the yoga mat? Could this be your selfie spot where you also pause to check in with yourself and explore looking into the lens with compassion?

A Shut Door – I’d be remiss to not bring this part up as it was where my selfie journey really began. With a shut door and the washroom to myself. Yup! For many of us, that might be the only place we’re going to get privacy and a bit of time to yourself each day. The benefit is that usually the washroom has great lighting and walls to use as a backdrop…for reals…your selfie spot can be your washroom (and I even have some extra tips for you about taking photos there in this post)

I hope this has you thinking of a selfie spot, a place where you can pause and feel like you have a few moments to explore taking a selfie. Creating a regular practice of taking them helps us lessen the fear and step into our visual story. Especially if you’re finding yourself shy about taking selfies in public, starting with a spot we feel comfortable in and creating a practice there can make a big difference.

Want to join me? Ponder your selfie spot and throughout the week try to pause there throughout your day and take a photo. It’s not about getting the same photo in the same spot…not at all. But giving yourself a comfortable place to share what is going on for you that day through the camera. Share your selfie spot with the Be Your Own Beloved community through the #beyourownbeloved hashtag on Instagram (and of course you’re always welcome to share any selfies exploring self-compassion through the hashtag too). I love getting to see your selfie and cheer you on in your journey.

August 4, 2015

Showing up for Ourselves

I was out on a photo walk the other night, around my neighbourhood. I put down my camera as I always do, drawn to spots where there might be a bit of privacy. Perhaps where the houses are up high and they wouldn’t see me down here on the sidewalk, in the alley, or that spot where the plants have taken over and it feels like you’re in the woods for a moment or two.

What works one day to stop and take a photo may not work the next, but that’s part of the fun of going on a selfie photo walk and getting brave to put down my camera and use the timer (yup, after all this time it still feels brave to take selfies in public like that).

There always comes a moment in the photo walk where something in me says NOW. The light is just right, suddenly it feels like there is no one there and I go for it. I take a few photos and feel like I’m truly embracing the moment. If I’m lucky I’ll get a lot of time to take photos but often, someone walks by. I live in a neighbourhood where everyone is around walking their dog, going to the park, living life on foot. And I love that. But it definitely makes for more challenging selfies.

And people come by. They always do. I usually look at the back of the camera and look up and say hi. Or take a photo of a flower and wait until they go. Or I’ll switch to a new spot.

But on this day, it seemed like whenever I pressed the shutter thinking that there was no one around, suddenly there would be someone right there and unusually…I was getting a lot of funny looks.

And I mean, often our inner critics are loud enough and to think that people are judging us can make us want to stop.

I tell the Be Your Own Beloved participants (registration is open for the upcoming session by the way) I tell them to use the ‘I’m taking a class’ answer and to remember that we’re actually probably brightening someone’s day by soaking up our joy like this, for being ourselves, for being creative beings out in the world taking our photos.

But if you’ve been around this blog before, you know I try to share those moments that are behind the scenes. Cause I know that I could just make this whole selfie thing look easy…but I don’t want that. Because the behind the scenes part is the work of changing the way we see ourselves. The work of learning to believe in ourselves and our worthiness happens in moments like these when we want to run home and hide from the fact that someone just saw us take a photo of ourselves. And we choose to stay with ourselves.

And I still have those moments, regularly. Because the work of being our own beloved is ever evolving. It is showing up for ourselves again and again. Photo by photo.

So on this day, oh how I wanted to run home. After the 3rd funny/suspicious look from people I just felt too bare, too vulnerable to try again. Or was I.

After the last time, after the last person walked away wondering what I was up to, I stayed.

I stayed with myself and paused to take this photo above. To ground myself in the knowing that there is nothing wrong with being out here telling my visual story and continuing to heal how I see myself.

And it made all the difference. Looking at it tells me the story of a moment when I showed up for myself like I’d want to show up for a friend or a loved one.

I wanted to share this with you in case the next time you’re taking a selfie your inner critic tells you to run. Or your scared to take the selfie to begin with.

Stay.

Ground yourself in the knowing that no matter what the photo ends up looking like, the experience of taking our photo is just as important. Showing up for ourselves is as big a part of being our own beloved as getting a photo we love.

And sometimes showing up for ourselves is the hardest part.

But we are worth showing up for.

July 14, 2015

Learning to Weave

If we’re friends on Instagram, you’ll already know this…but this past week while I was home visiting family I got OBSESSED with weaving. Fiercely.

I know photography is and will likely always be my true creative love (and has been for a decade now) but weaving swept me under it’s spell too. I’ve tried so many mediums over the years: theatre, songwriting, guitar/singing, art, mixed media, painting. And while I had a blast doing all of them, none of them ever felt quite like my medium. In fact it always felt like something was missing…until I started to see the world through the lens.

And then this week, as I started to weave weft into warp I felt it again. That feeling of home. Which really is no surprise (even though it took me until 37 to realize it) since I’ve been surrounded by weaving my whole life but hadn’t tried it myself. You see, I’m a weavers daughter. My mom is an amazing weaver and started when she was a teen.

Especially as a youth, she made not only textiles but the most amazing tapestries. Growing up I was especially obsessed with one of them full of radiant sunset like tones, reds, blues and I gazed at that tapestry all the time until eventually I convinced her to let me bring it home with me to the west coast where it now hangs on my wall.

But lately I had noticed so many cool tapestried/wall hangings appearing on Pinterest and I’d been getting wildly inspired by them but somehow I still thought that weaving meant having a gigantic loom in your house, which well…wouldn’t work for where I live right now.

So I started to dig into how to make a DIY loom and it looked super simple so when I arrived at my folks house in Ontario this month I asked my Mom if she’d help me figure out how to make a loom PLUS help me figure out the kind of stitches and techniques I was seeing in a lot of the wall hangings on social media.

I thought I’d share a bit about how that unfolded and share a few resources with you that I found super helpful.

To make a DIY loom you need:

A frame of some sort (I went looking around the house and found an unused 18 x 24 canvas that I took the canvas off of and used the frame underneath but you could also go to a thrift store and find any solid wood frame).
Nails
A hammer

I then got to work making the frame. I marked with pencil on the frame where I was going to put the nails, a 1/4 inch apart. You could most definitely make them further apart and have less warp (the threads running up and down) but I liked how it looked with so much warp and the way it felt really solid.

Then I put the nails in. It felt like it took for ever and was a big learning curve. In retrospect, the nails I used weren’t ideal for this as they were too big and not smooth enough (and wore at the thread as I worked on it). But only 1 thread actually broke so I’d definitely use it again now that I made it. After the nails were in, I threaded the warp up and down across the frame.

Of course I had yearned to have the nails straight across the frame but well, it ain’t that easy! So I quickly let go of perfectionism around this. Cause it truly doesn’t matter as long as they were the right distance apart.

This post from A Beautiful Mess was helpful in getting started and has great visuals for beginning your weaving.

Having it be a consistent tension is something I’m sure weavers get better at as they continue to weave these but just do your best at first to have them consistent.

Then it was time to begin:

The first part of the tapestry for me was all about learning how to be consistent with the tension, how to turn it back around and start a new row as I went around and back over each nail.

As you can see in the above photo I chose a few balls of yarn and some raw wool that my Mom had that she let me use. I bought more yarn as I went along but started with what I had. At this point in the tapestry I had no plan other than just to learn and get creative, but at any free moment I was checking out the #weaverfever hashtag on Instagram to get inspiration and start to ponder where I wanted it to go!

It was mighty fun to have such a transportable frame to work with, one that I could use on a table or have in my lap and flip it around as needed.

I began with the most basic stitch, weaving above one thread and below the other all the way across and back. At times like with the sun below I experimenting with creating shapes and then weaving around it, as well as trying other stitches and using raw wool too.

Soon a vision started to emerge for it, inspired by the gorgeous sunsets in this area where I was visiting. For reals, there was at least a few nights where the sun was truly this kind of neon orange as it set!

As I worked up the tapestry I experimented with a few different stitches that I had noticed a lot of people using in the photos I was seeing. I found this info a bit hard to find so I wanted to share it with you here.

Techniques & Stitches:

I had started to notice a stitch in many people’s wallhangings that looked like a braid when done in multiple layers and found out it was called Soumak (which you can see in the first two layers of white in the above photo). This tutorial has a great visual for it, head down to #28 in the post to see it.

This post also has a great example of Soumak

Adding shapes to your weaving

How to do tassels.

This post explains roving and how to use it!

I also encourage you to go freestyle and experiment if you’re trying this. After learning a few kinds of stitches I just started experimenting (and sometimes discovered something from making a mistake). It made me feel really in tune with the process and helped me gain confidence that indeed I could do this!

Weaving Resources:

This was the Weaving 101 tutorial I found the most helpful in the process, including stitches.

Loom & Spindle Blog. This blog is packed full of resources for weaving on a frame!

This post has some great visuals and tips for different types of techniques you could do!

You can also make a loom out of cardboard (especially useful for weaving with kids) and here’s a great tutorial. It’s also a great way to weave from a pattern like you can see in these photos. I haven’t tried this yet but look forward to it!

So have you tried weaving? Any resources you’d like to share with me? I’d love to know!

July 13, 2015

The Pros & Cons of the Selfie Stick!

The selfie stick.

I’ve gotta confess that I never thought I’d get one.

You see, despite the fact that selfies are a daily self-care practice for me, I like to be subtle about it. Selfie sticks seemed a little too bold for me.

None the less, as someone who teaches and works in the medium of selfies, I felt like I needed to try it. Plus, I was about to head to teach at a retreat for teens and knew that it was something they’d have fun with.

As it turns out, I had a blast using it an my perspective has changed a bit. But there were some clear pro’s and con’s of using one of these tools, and I thought I’d share them with you.

I think there are some pretty divided opinions on this new trend. When shared about it on Instagram it was one of those moments when a handful of people immediately unfollowed me. I think people have lots of feelings about selfie sticks!

But none the less, they are becoming more common and I think we need to chat about them.

So, what do you think about selfie sticks? Do you have one? Would you try one?

It so happened that I was also about to go on a bit of an epic trip back to where my family is from, Latvia, and then a solo stop in Paris. I knew that I likely wouldn’t bring the selfie stick out in Latvia (as I doubted it was really the culture of selfie taking there yet and I was right) but knew that 100% it was coming out to play in Paris.

So I’ve been playing around with the selfie stick for a month now and thought it was time I shared with you both the good & the bad about the selfie stick!

Pros:

A Wider View

One of the criticisms of selfies is that its all about ourselves, that selfies are all about us taking photos of our face. Of course, selfies are so much more than just arm’s length photos too. What I dig about the selfie stick is that it becomes not just about ourselves but our surroundings too.

With selfie sticks, from the outside it still might look that way but within the frame its not. We get more of the world around us in it. We get more room for our friends or the people around you in it. It actually becomes less about us and more about our context.

Above you’ll see an example of the difference a selfie stick can make in terms of the amount of area surrounding us that can be in the photo.

A definite pro for the selfie stick that you might not know about unless you try one.

Different Perspectives of Ourselves

While mostly I find that people are using a selfie stick in the same way we’d take an arm’s length selfie, reaching in front of them and upwards, there is actually a lot more possibility than that using this tool. Like the above photos, it helped me get the Eiffel Tower in the photo with me!

Try reaching to the side and getting a profile shot
Or getting a shot from above looking down at you
Or experiment with taking a foot selfie reaching down with your selfie stick
Try aiming upwards at yourself too

Just like taking selfies in general, there isn’t just one way to take a selfie. Try taking a bunch of different perspectives of you using a selfie stick and you’ll get quite different photos than you would trying the same things at arm’s length!

Cons:

Safety

As you may be hearing, selfie sticks are getting banned from a lot of concerts and events. When they are fully extended, they really are quite long. I totally get why this could be a problem especially within a crowd!

But the truth is many people using them aren’t using them within a crowd. Just the other day I saw a lady in her 70’s in the park using one. Lots of people have them.

So rock your selfie stick if you have one and yes, be careful in a crowd. But I say don’t let that stop you, just use the basic consideration that you normally would when taking a photo. Maybe don’t bring it to that concert but do bring it out when hanging out in a park or a place where you have lots of space.

Stability

This is where I find the selfie stick super challenging. The longer I’d extend it, the more I felt like it was getting shakey, that my hand was getting shakey holding it out there. And I could see that lack of stability in the photo too.

Some selfie sticks (even the super cheap one I got) have a shutter button near the handle so you can click it to take the picture. At other times I set up the Gorillacam app that I’d normally use when taking a selfie beyond arm’s reach and let it take a bunch of photos at once.

The good thing is that we can use the selfie stick without extending it fully and still get a change in perspective but you’ll find your photos are likely more stable.

Subtlety

The selfie stick isn’t really subtle. In reality, it’s not supposed to be! But many of us do like to keep our selfie taking subtle.

But if we follow the same intuition we normally do around taking selfies and find spots where we’ll feel comfortable taking a photo, the selfie stick will feel more comfortable to use. I felt SO comfortable using my selfie stick at the Eiffel Tower as so many people were (and it was the new thing that people were walking around selling, yelling ‘Selfie Stick, Selfie Stick’…for reals) but in other situations where I want to keep it more subtle I might take a different kind of selfie.

Trust your selfie intuition. Rock the selfie stick when you feel like it (even if no one else is using one) and know that there are other kinds of selfies you can take in the moment if you’d like something more subtle!

Should you should get one?

If the idea of using one excites you, go for it. If not, don’t worry…there are so many other ways to take a selfie. I think whatever tools will help us have fun taking selfies.

Will I use mine often? Just like with tripods I tend to go without them and find spots to put my camera or phone down to take the photo, but I think every so often I’m going to bring the selfie stick out for fun.

There really are a tonne of selfie sticks out there and because I wanted to experiment with it, I got the cheapest one I could at a pharmacy but I do feel like it won’t last too much longer (especially with travels) but it’s a great way to just go for it and try it without a big investment. Amazon has tonnes of selfie sticks to choose from in that range.

But if you’re looking for a sturdier, longer lasting selfie stick the My Selfie Plus Selfie Stick is one I’m excited to try. Gorillapod makes one too that looks pretty amazing. You might also see them called Monopods as well, though Monopods have been a one legged tripod for cameras in the past (and the selfie stick is the phone camera version of it these days).

So, what do YOU think about selfie sticks? Have you tried one? Would you try one? Are you having a blast using it? Do you have any other tips to share?