Learn to See Yourself with Compassion

January 26, 2014

Taking Care

Behind the scenes over here there is some personal stuff going on that is weighing heavy on my heart. Its hard living so far from family when things are tough, so in these times it feels more important than ever to show up & support myself.

Thankfully, we’ve been blessed with some gorgeously sunny days here and my gut said “Get outside and Go”. So I did. On Friday I went for a gigantic bike ride and yesterday I took my camera and went for a long walk. I ended up walking for 4 hours, practically around the city and while my feet were screaming by the end…it was deeply nourishing in a way I didn’t expect could even happen right now.

Feeling the sun on my face, saying good morning to kind strangers, seeing the beauty of the world around me, listening to the waves as I walked along the beach. It was exactly what I needed.

I’m reminded once again of the importance of getting out on these photo walks. I often in Be Your Own Beloved (which starts in less than a week by the way) about how even a 5 minute photo walk around the block or in our backyard can shift our energy. I’m so glad that yesterday I brought my camera along with me and now have this trail of images that will remind me of this tool of taking care & being a support for myself when I need it.

Plus, those hearts found along the way…amazing. Sometimes it feels like when I get out for these wanders that the world around me shows up in support too in these subtle ways that can’t help but make me smile.

January 20, 2014

Possibility & Self-Portraiture

I know, self-portraiture can sometimes be a bit scary.

Because, there is so much unknown to it.

Will the same story I always see in my photos be reflected back at me?

Will it feel like proof of some of the stories I believe about myself?

Will I just feel ugly, or invisible, or not enough?

Or maybe we are just absolutely sure we know what the result of taking a self-portrait will be. Because we only know the story we’ve always seen in our photos, one that feels like proof of the way we might feel about ourselves or our bodies.

For real, I get all of this.

Cause I’ve been there.

This is exactly how I felt at first and every so often I get a wave of it coming back at me.

Here’s the thing though.

What it is so easy to miss when we are totally ready to see the same-old photos that we expect we’ll see…that we forget about possibility.

When folks join me for the Be Your Own Beloved class it is truly one of my favourite things to see, when they awaken to the possibility.

That we might, for the first time, see a photo of ourselves that we recognize with kind eyes.

That we might be wrong about not being photogenic, that we actually might not hate taking photos of ourselves.

That we might in fact be able to take photos of ourselves we feel really proud of, that make us feel seen.

That they can not only take photos of ourselves that we like, but that we might find our voice again.

That it isn’t about getting a ‘perfect’ picture. Its about creating space to let ourselves be witnessed, by ourselves & others.

It is possibility.

That doesn’t mean that we won’t also take those photos that tell those old stories. The key is that when we are open to that possibility, we get both of those kinds of photos and we (maybe for the first time) get to really choose and take the reigns of how we get to see ourselves.

For me it was a turning point. It made me realize that I knew in my heart I wouldn’t look back on this time in my life and especially in these photos with regret and wish my body was different, or that I was thinner. But I knew that there was major potential for me to look back and regret not looking at this point of my life and choose to see myself with love.

I needed to start being a part of the visual story of my own life.

Yes, we might find ourselves taking photos that bring up our inner critic but we will also likely take ones that make us smile wide and we will be given the chance to choose self-compassion over self-critique.

So, lets open ourselves to the possibility of a new way of seeing ourselves.

Even if that feels scary (especially if it feels scary)

Even if we hate having our photo taken and self-portraits feel really vulnerable.

Even if self-compassion feels really far away.

I have a new session of Be Your Own Beloved coming up and I hope that if this resonates, you’ll join me. This class isn’t created for people who already feel wildly confident and don’t struggle with seeing themselves with kindness. It is for folks (like me) who have had the weight of a negative self-image on our shoulders for far too long and are ready for change.

It was created because these are the tools that I most needed at the point in my life when it felt like I was fed up with so much self-hate and was ready to find some ways to change that (and yes, it was terrifying). I created Be Your Own Beloved because these are the tools I still need to strengthen and ground in a place of self-compassion each and every day.

I also wanted to share with you that there are a few changes ahead for the Be Your Own Beloved class after the February Session (don’t worry, the core prompts & structure are all staying the same…I’m just adding in some extra awesomeness) and there will also be a price change. So if you’d like to take the class at the super affordable price of $49, this is your session!

I can’t wait to explore the possibility that will unfold in this class with you and am so excited to invite you into this experience of seeing yourself with more compassion!

January 18, 2014

Embracing the Slow, the Rooted

Lately, things have been shifting, especially with my work with Be Your Own Beloved!

Don’t worry…the class isn’t disappearing…quite the opposite. I’m getting more and more rooted in the clarity that this is the class that feels like soul work to me and that I get the complete honour of witnessing people coming out of their shells & seeing themselves with compassion.

But it has become much more than just one E-Course.

Lately it seems as though it is time to embrace a slower pace of this path, after years of launching one E-Course after another, always feeling like I need to come up with a new course, or new idea.

I’m craving to slow down and root deeper into this work and that is just what is happening. To let go of immediacy for the sake of longevity, to let go of scarcity for the sake of legacy. To not feel like this is all going to disappear at any moment and to trust the feeling of clarity of purpose I (finally) found in 2013. When we’ve spent so much of our lives searching far and wide to find that thing that lights us up…it can be a bit strange to stop searching and instead step deeper into it. Do you know what I mean?

I’ve been working hard on the book (nope, no publisher yet…but I’m just enjoying working on it these days) and so many times lately I’ve had BIG self-love realizations….and normally I’d open up a blog post as soon as I get home and share it with you here on the blog.

But I find myself having to put the breaks on that these days instead head on over to the manuscript and spill the realizations in there.

As a long time blogger, I’m so used to the immediacy of storytelling that we can do through this medium and it feels SO weird to be making myself write it in the manuscript instead…where, realistically, you might not get to read it for a couple years!

Its not just the book though.

I’m spilling new ideas into the big binder I’m creating packed with prompts for my Mentoring Clients.

I’m handwriting prompts into my journal as I plan out the In-Person Workshops for this year (which will soon be listed)!

I’m pouring new Be Your Own Beloved activities & concepts into a program I have yet to share with you but will be coming this spring and I promise you’ll love it! It is specifically designed for alumni of the original class to dig deeper into their path exploring self-love through self-portraiture (more on this soon)!

I’m also working on something that won’t be launched until at least 2015 but is a way for amazing folks who are working in the healing fields (art therapists, coaches, nutritionists with a HAES approach, and more) to provide their clients with the Be Your Own Beloved approach.

So you see, there is so much going on that feels much slower, much more long term.

And it really feels like a shift.

Perhaps there is even an energy to blogging and even being a creative entrepreneur…that we sometimes feel like if we get quiet, or take some time away, or not offer anything for a while, that people will move on or forget about us.

I’m hoping to let go of that feeling and instead settle into the energy of feeling grounded in this work, in this message, in this path.

I know when I first started teaching online 3 years ago, I’d often think that this culture of online classes might not be around forever (and it definitely has evolved and changed even in that time) and I thought I’d give this online teaching thing a try and enjoy it while it lasts.

I think what I’m realizing is that its okay to let go of the feeling that this work is fleeting.

That its okay to have a totally online job and at the same time, let yourself feel rooted in the work.

That its okay to let your work evolve and grow and maybe shift away from the rapid pace that you started it with.

That its okay to let go of immediacy in order to connect with the legacy of our work.

It has been a truly interesting process of just having to slow down the immediacy of this path, saving a lot of the things that are really exciting me right now for you to experience more one-on-one (be that in a mentoring session or sometime down the road when I finally make this book happen and you pick it up and get to explore the activities in it)!

While I don’t plan to stop blogging or take time off from it, nor will I be stopping teaching E-Courses…but I’m ready to learn a new way of being a creative entrepreneur, outside of the scarcity mentality.

Have you gone through this with your creative life? Where perhaps it feels like you are drawn to let go of the pressure of the immediacy and instead step into the long-term energy of your creative work? If you have some thoughts on this I’d LOVE to hear!

January 16, 2014

Click by Click, Sketch by Sketch

My lovely friend Kristin Noelle tells powerful stories through her illustrations and I’m so honoured to have her guest illustration here today (the image inspired by this self-portrait).

Her images have a way of drawing many of us together in a common experience and invite us to cultivate more trust in our lives….and I’m so excited that she has a new offering Blessings…which is totally free and starts on January 20th!

You can learn a bit more about her journey and offerings over here!

Kristin Noelle is a Los Angeles-based illustrator. She creates soulful art that fosters a worldview of trust. Find her at www.kristinnoelle.com and be sure to check out Blessings – a free, 10-day series of inspired, illustrated blessings.

January 14, 2014

Making Someday…Today

I’m slowly making it through Geneen Roth’s Book Appetites: On the Search for True Nourishment. Her books take me a while to get through as they are so packed with epiphanies for me that I often have to pause & journal about just one line or paragraph before continuing on. That is the best kind of book in my opinion (though I’m realizing after renewing this book from the library 3 times and I’m still not done…I just might need to buy it).

Today the chapter I was reading was about our parallel lives, the way that we create these other lives for ourselves usually referenced by statements “When I’m thin I’ll….” or “When I have success life will be…” or “When I’m loved everything will be…” where we imagine our parallel life and how it would be different if only we were different.

When we focus on our ‘parallel lives’ (which I know I often do) we disconnect from the life we’re living right here and now, seeing it as not enough.

Of course, everything gets channelled through the lens of “How does this relate to self-portraiture & self-love” in my brain these days (I can’t help it….I just love this work so much)!

It got me thinking of the way many of us save being in photographs until we are _____________ (lose weight, have a haircut, get better at doing our make-up, have a new outfit, have cooler shoes, etc).

I thought I’d share one of these moments I had lately which arose in the process of putting up a profile for online dating. I though I should get my photos taken. You know, confident, sassy, ‘the new me’…ready-to-date photos.

Of course that would involve getting my haircut first. Oh, and what will I wear? I imagined how awesome the photos would be.

I mean, a fun thought and all…but it quickly became a gigantic list of all the things I’d need to do to get that perfect photo. It became something very distant and became a “When I do this I’ll be ready to date” which of course meant I had to do all these things to be ready.

Yes, my parallel life was happening right there, that I’d be ready to date and I’d find love if only I had the perfect photos to make it happen.

For reals, this was my thought process. Yes, even though I am indeed a self-portrait photographer. Indeed, even though I have a computer full of photos that were not only perfectly fabulous to use for a dating profile, but in fact were representative to me of the journey to find confidence again. Photos that came from my journey to see myself with love and that I already felt beautiful in.

Of course, after a while I had to call myself out on this, and now have 2 photos up on a profile (trying to make some steps towards dating this year) both of course, self-portraits that I took during a session of Be Your Own Beloved. I figure if I am learning to see myself with love in these photos, then they are absolutely the right ones to put on a dating profile! Oh my…I actually can’t believe I’m telling you this story, but it kind of cracks me up in retrospect!

So I thought I’d ask you…do you have any photo related ‘parallel lives’ that are holding you back from just picking up the camera here and now and just sharing a photo that feels present with where you are at today?

If we shift away from saving taking a self-portrait for when our body changes, or we look “better” or we get the right outfit to finally invite ourselves into the frame? What would happen if we just let ourselves be enough to step into a self-portrait today?

If you happen to read this and pick up your phone or camera and just go for it and take a self-portrait…use the hashtag #beyourownbeloved so I can see it and cheer you on)!