Category Archives: Be Your Own Beloved

February 23, 2016

Our Body Stories

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One of the biggest realizations I’ve found through taking self-portraits is being able to begin to notice what the stories I have about my body are.

Because before, I just took them to be truths. That my body was ‘too big’ or my hair was too thin or my belly was too bloated. Really, anything that includes the words TOO and compares ourselves to others is a big sign that it is a story.

Because all bodies are good bodies. All bodies are inherently worthy.

The way we define ourselves in comparison to others or to a societal standard…those are the stories we hold about our body, our enoughness.

Realizing that these things I held as truths were actually stories was a wake up call. Because if it wasn’t a truth, if it was an interpretation of what is enough that I’d made to feel as though it was the truth…it could change.

And the camera? Well, it brings up those stories. It is vulnerable to let ourselves be in images. We may be able to walk the world without those stories arising but then it feels like they await us in an image. It can even feel as though images are ‘proof’ of those stories. But it is BECAUSE they arise there that it’s also a platform for re-writing them.

In all the Be Your Own Beloved classes we step into being the narrator of our own story. We listen for our own voice outside of our inner critics voice.

This March, I’m offering a powerful 15 day program inviting you to acknowledge and reclaim your body stories. In this class we will:

Re-Connect with our body and it’s wisdom through the act of taking our selfies and integrating body awareness and mindfulness into the moment we take our selfies inviting in connection rather than disconnection
Begin to notice and acknowledge what the stories we have about our body are
Explore the way we can change our body stories and begin to let go of the critical stories that no longer serve us
Listen and strengthen our own voice of how we see ourselves, outside of our critics voice. We’ll notice the spaces that our inner critic is loud and make room for compassion there.
Invite in non-judgement and neutrality around our body.

Plus, when you register, I’ll send you over a worksheet to get started on pondering your body stories even before class begins!

This is an invitation to listen deeply to the voice inside us that might be whispering alongside a loud inner critic, but it’s there…that voice saying “I don’t believe that story I’ve held about my body anymore…and it’s time for a new one”.

This program isn’t about seeing our bodies completely anew in 15 days, but is about having a whole new way of seeing ourselves in only 15 days, but what we will do is wake ourselves up to the stories we’ve been judging ourselves by for a very long time and open ourselves up to the idea that they aren’t the truth.

They are indeed stories.

They are permeable, changeable.

They can be re-written, when we become the narrator.

Let’s be the narrator of our own stories, and choose stories that treat us the same way we’d treat a beloved!

Join me for Body Stories! Class starts March 1st (only 1 more week).

February 22, 2016

The Next Chapter of Be Your Own Beloved

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Over the past year, things have been shifting around the Be Your Own Beloved world.

Now, don’t worry…by no means am I changing my focus here. Quite the opposite in fact.

It’s been deepening.

I’ve been asking myself and exploring the answers, of what happens next.

What happens after we begin our selfie journey and show up for a while in front of the camera?

What happens after we find our voice that balances out our inner critics voice?

What happens when we find confidence in ourselves through the camera? How do translate it to our lives as a whole?

How do we really shift out of a place of self-critique and create a new normal of compassion for ourselves?

I’ve been pouring the realizations and even more questions into the manuscripts (yup, there are now 2 of them) that I’ve been working on these last few years.

And, as of this year, I’ve been pouring those answers into I’m uncovering into new photo prompts and new programs. We got started this January with the year long Body Peace Program and I don’t even know if I can find the words yet to share what happened in January, how I let this work deepen and definitely challenged the participants to show up even more in the process of offering themselves compassion and OMG did they ever. I was brought to tears numerous times by the realizations and self-compassion I saw.

There is one more new offering coming this year, the Lens of Love Program which is where we really dig into this new work. It’s feeling so much like the Masterclass of Be Your Own Beloved, the place where we really can help ourselves transition from a life of self-critique to creating a new normal for ourselves that is rooted in compassion.

I know, using selfies. That’s what makes me smile…cause selfies are seen as something that is ‘shallow’ or ‘self-centred’ and I’m in awe of how much it is the opposite, how much they can be a tool for self-connection and self-compassion.

I’m going to be sharing a lot more about Lens of Love coming up soon, but if you’d like to be the first to get a chance to apply for it, come on over and join the interest list!

November 24, 2015

She is No Longer Invisible

She is there.

Under the cat eye glasses and near constant liquid eyeliner.

Under the little bangs. Under the smile.

Under the clothes that make her feel good in her skin.

She worries sometimes that without them she’d be invisible again, to you.

To herself.

But she won’t be.

That I’ll make sure of.

Because this has never just been about external perceptions.

This, from the start has been about reclaiming her inherent worthiness.

No matter what she wears or whether it meets anyone’s approval.

She is there and she is no longer invisible.

With or without her masks.

Spilled out in response to today’s prompt in the Be Your Own Beloved class (and the much loved February Session is coming back again in 2016…cause its the perfect time to invite in more self-compassion)!

October 26, 2015

Selfie Self-Care for the Grey Days

I looked at the forecast for the next couple weeks this morning and it can be described in one four letter word: rain.

I live in Vancouver, Canada so really it’s not surprise. I’ve lived here for a decade now so I’ve learned what I need to best thrive in a rainy winter. I’ve learned that for me, a pivotal part of getting through the winter here without getting the blues is to not put my camera away. Even if it rains. Even if it’s grey and nothing is blooming anymore. Even then. Especially then.

You see, this whole self-portrait path the whole Be Your Own Beloved process began for me as I was coming out of a depression years ago. I needed to learn how to fill my own well again and thanks to digital photography and our phones starting to have cameras around that time, I started going on a walk around the neighbourhood with a camera and seeing what beauty I could find.

These photo walks not only lead me through that time in a way that helped me learn to fill up my own well again, but it has ever since. It wasn’t something that I did just then to find happiness again. It’s something I do weekly ever since (if not more) to keep my well filled.

This weekend I could feel the lows tapping me on the shoulder so this morning I grabbed my camera as I headed out to a cafe to get some work done and took the long way that led me through the community garden. I go to this same one all the time but what I’ve learned over the years is that even though I couldn’t imagine there would be anything new, anything different than the other day when I was there…there is always beauty of some sort awaiting me.

This time it was a flower that had fallen on the ground that caught my eye and became my muse for the next 10 minutes.

After taking a few dozen photos I left it there in hopes someone else coming to the garden for self-care would see it and feel it’s beauty.

On the walk I was also thinking of how grateful I am that Be Your Own Beloved is starting next week. I like to offer it in November even though it might not be the sunniest month for most of us (unless you live in the Southern Hemisphere of course) but its because its not the sunniest month that it becomes more important than ever to offer ourselves this kind of self-care.

Cause the class and these photo walks really isn’t just about ‘getting the shot’, or only taking selfies when it’s gorgeously happy and we’re feeling good and rockin’ a fabulous outfit. Sure, it’s a lot easier to be kind to ourselves, to be our own beloved when those things are in place. But we’re worthy of that kind of love all the time.

It’s actually more about building our resilience in showing up for ourselves when we’re not feeling that way. That’s not to say we won’t get kick-ass photos (cause oh my gosh we will) but no matter what the season, this process is really less about the photo and so much more about the ways we show up for ourselves despite what our inner critic says, despite the old stories we see in our photos and yes, despite the rain or weather.

So rain or shine, I’m excited to dig into these prompts with the class this coming month and celebrate all the incredible photos you’ll take and the vulnerability and bravery that we step into in the process.

Come join us!

October 22, 2015

All of You is Worthy of Your Love (belly, rolls, curves & folds included)!

I went out for a photo walk in the garden I always go to, in a dress I had recently thrifted that felt like a second skin. The sun was out and I was aflutter with excitement about my upcoming trip. As well, the garden was quiet. It’s often filled with gardeners…though while strangers, I totally adore them cause they pay little notice to the woman in the polka dots taking photos amongst the flower beds.

But this day was quiet so I felt comfortable putting down my camera on the edge of a raised flower bed and stepping into one of the more open spaces in the garden.

I took tonnes of photos letting any worry about that being ‘too much’ slip away (I’ve had practice on that one). Everything felt in alignment and I felt really good about the photos as I looked at them…knowing that while it wasn’t my goal (my goal was just to celebrate feeling fabulous in that new-to-me-dress and how it felt like it let me see my body with kindness and even confidence exactly as it is right now) I would probably end up using them for my website.

And indeed I ended up using many of them as new blog and Facebook page headers and all around the site.

Then the moment came.

It was as though my eyes became tunnel vision focused in on one part of the photo.

That roll. That place where leggings end and push in a bit. You could call it a muffin top (though I don’t love that term…mostly because I hear it said with such mocking of our bodies rather than empowerment).

How could I not notice that.

Why did I post the photos?

Cool I didn’t notice it and judge it right away but what if people are out there judging me?

Now, if you’re wanting to say “I barely even noticed it” or reassure someone else of the okay-ness of their body…please do pause. That is super lovely of you but I hope you’ll keep reading before jumping to the comments to reassure me. This is the challenge of talking about the inner workings of our minds in the process of healing my body image…people want to reassure us, save us from ourselves. But don’t worry, I’ve got my own back…these are things that no matter what anyone else says, we need to let the kindness into our own hearts, for ourselves. So know that is what I thought in that moment and continue on to find out what happened next…

Do you know that feeling? That gut drop when you see a photo online and your eyes focus on one thing and only one thing?

It’s something I hear folks talk about regularly and definitely a tender thing for a lot of us.

In this moment I had that “I should take it down” feeling and that old muscle memory of taking a photo down in a panic almost began and then, thankfully, a new voice I’ve been cultivating (my inner body-love-mama-bear-protector) appeared kind of like it did in this moment I shared a while back and said.

“No….are you kidding me. How is this photo any less worthy than a moment ago when you loved it”.

And really, what was I to say to that. My inner-body-love-protector voice knows what to say to bring me back to my heart.

That voice is really new to me but its something I’ve been working really hard to develop. It had been a long long time of not knowing what words could calm my critic down before they finally developed into a voice that did speak the right words to help me return to centre. Though of course I still have those times where my critic is fiercer…its all a work in progress and always will be.

It’s also been about building resilience and not let those critical moments take over my day (cause that used to be the case…I’d take down those photos mortified at what people might have thought and then get caught up in the shame of it).

It isn’t just the moments of feeling absolutely fabulous and loving a photo that are the goal as much as learning how to hold ourselves with kindness when we don’t feel that way.

So the photos are still there and believe me I won’t take them down. Because I’m not looking to teach about body-image by being picture perfect. I want to continue to be real. And real me has rolls and folds and a belly and curves.

And I know in this body-love path, sometimes we need to see people who mirror our own selves rockin’ their self-empowerment to claim our own. My body is probably going to be quite different than yours in a myriad of way (cause we humans are so beautifully diverse) and sometimes when we see someone else’s story we have a tendency to do the “Ya, but she’s not _____ ” and compare our own bodies. If that’s the case, treat yourself to some time over at one of my favourite Tumblrs called Stop Hating Your Body which I love cause they really rock at including a really diverse range of folks on their blog. I hope you’ll see yourself reflected back by someone proudly rockin’ their own confidence.

If this whole idea of being in front of the camera and seeing photos of yourself feels well, terrifying or vulnerable to you…maybe the time is right to come and join in for the Be Your Own Beloved class that starts November 1st. This class wasn’t created for people who already rock selfies with total confidence. It was created for you, for folks who find the idea of it really really vulnerable (cause thats where I began with the process too). You don’t need fancy gear and smartphones are 100% welcome (even encouraged). Come join us and learn tools not only to take photos you feel good about but to build resilience for when you see ones that bring up old stories…like the one that happened for me today. Class starts soon!