Category Archives: Body Acceptance

April 19, 2016

Claiming Space at the Beach

claimingspacebeachcover Yesterday afternoon and evening my lovely friend Sylvia and I headed to her favourite beach outside of the city, one I’d been excited to check out ever since I heard of it. The tide was high so we sat in beautiful (and surprisingly warm) waist deep ocean water blissed out at the fact that we can do this in April in Vancouver!

After a swim we chilled on the beach in the fading sun and like I do pretty much everyday, I pulled out my camera to take some self-portraits in this wildly inspiring setting.

Just like any other day except this time…I was in my swim suit!

And not just any swim suit, a 2 piece…the kind I had a story around, that I’d never been able to adorn my body with. I’ve worn a 2 piece once before but to a quiet lake…and that time I invited myself into the frame too and had a really vulnerable experience with it, as photos indeed can bring up those old body stories that might be trying to follow us around, defining our worth.

You can check out that post here: Making Peace with My Body…In a Bikini

On that day, I could feel that experience of shame rising up but instead, got resilient and chose to seek out the photo that felt like it really captured the energy of the joy of the day, rather than get lost in the shame spiral I could feel myself nearing. It takes practice to pull ourselves out of those moments of self-critique, but it is indeed possible.

Because our outtakes get to be our teachers.

The healing doesn’t just happen in the ‘good’ photos.

It happens in the ones that we struggle with too.

For a long time now, my personal goal (and what we’re exploring in the Body Peace Program too) has been to find body neutrality. To be able to take photos and see my body not as bad, or good…but just me. Just my body without those value judgements.

So…at the beach yesterday, I took some photos while we chilled after the swim and the beach was fairly quiet.

And there she was, me…in the lens. And I looked at these photos without judgement.

Maybe it was the light which was SO dreamy.

Maybe it was because I love this bathing suit and it’s SO comfy and fits well (something that we plus size folks don’t always have in our clothing).

Maybe it was the nourishing energy of sitting in the ocean for an hour that swept away worry of how the suit looked on me.

Or maybe it was that the work I’ve been putting so much thought and practice into was paying off.

Because for the first time ever in a bikini in photos, I didn’t go into a shame spiral.

front800 If someone else had taken the photo at the same moment…I quite possibly would have. If I had tried to take a ‘fashion-blogger’ style photo…I probably would have (cause that’s just not me).

But that’s the power of taking a self-portrait.

We are in charge. We are in control…of how it is taken and how we react to it. How we move in it, when we take it and yes…we are in charge of how we feel about it too.

It’s about standing our own power.

Claiming space.

So, I dared myself to go even further outside my comfort zone and then this next photo happened:

back800 Because if I could see my front body with neutrality on this day (it’s not like it’s forever thing that we achieve…it’s something to savour when we experience and build emotional memory around it…increasing our chances of having it happen again)!

Now, my back body (my back and butt in particular) are parts of me I’m most definitely not at peace with yet, but we’re working on it. And by ‘at peace’ I mean this sense of neutrality. I don’t need to LOVE that part of myself but I’m sure as heck tired of hating it.

The sun wasn’t quite as glowing by this time.

But still…when I see these photos, that second one. I just see my body, not as something good or bad, yes, even those parts (like rolls) that we are told are ‘bad’ by societal standards. They don’t trigger me here.

Both photos are totally unedited and unretouched.

I share this not to try to show off, by any means or try to prove how much I LOVE my body…because that’s not what it’s about. But I did want to share it because I don’t think we talk enough about body neutrality as a possibility. We may think that the goal of body-accpetance is to LOVE our bodies and then shame ourselves on our tough days if we don’t always feel that way.

But body neutrality is settling into that non-judgemental place, where we are neither good or bad, neither hated nor wildly loved. Really, where we just get to…be.

And that’s what these photos taught me, and I hope that you’ll get photos someday where you can see yourself in that way too, as though we just cleared off an old lens and now I can see clearly again.

Now, there’s another piece…that YOU will see the photo if I share it.

That’s another element to this puzzle of accepting our bodies. How will we deal with how other people view us. But here’s the thing. The more work we do on making peace with our own body and finding our voice outside of our inner critics, the more we realize that other people’s opinions of our body are…theirs. Not ours.

If you see these photos with judgement, I can’t help that. Nor should it define how I feel about them.

You might see my body as something disgusting or beautiful.

It doesn’t matter.

What matters is how we define our own worth.

And the more non-judgemental my own voice has become, the more I don’t even think about how others might be judging me.

And it’s not something we achieve, even days like this when we get these peaceful moments.

It’s a practice of claiming space, defining and redefining how we see ourselves, and inviting in resiliency on the tough days.

I starting my own body-image healing journey using photography over 8 years ago now, not sure where it would lead and am so grateful it has led to helping other people help themselves in this way. I’m not here to heal you…I’m here to help you heal yourself.

In terms of my own body image healing, I’m not sure where it will lead from here, but I’m in for the journey.

Cause the more we can let go of worrying how other people see us, the more room there is for us to just enjoy days like this with the sun shining and the ocean warm enough to swim in…in April.

Because there is life to be lived and more time to live it when we’re not focusing our energy on critiquing our body!

claimingspace300 If you’d like to join me in a journey to claim space and exploring standing in your own power in your photos, join me for the Claiming Space class starting May 1st! And if you’re seeing this April 19th or 20th, I’m giving away 2 spots to the class over here on Instagram.

Find out more about the Claiming Space class here!

The original Be Your Own Beloved class is also open for registration if you’d like to start your journey to see yourself with compassion through your camera, this class will be a game-changer for you!

Find out more about the Be Your Own Beloved class here!

February 23, 2016

Our Body Stories

One of the biggest realizations I’ve found through taking self-portraits is being able to begin to notice what the stories I have about my body are.

Because before, I just took them to be truths. That my body was ‘too big’ or my hair was too thin or my belly was too bloated. Really, anything that includes the words TOO and compares ourselves to others is a big sign that it is a story.

Because all bodies are good bodies. All bodies are inherently worthy.

The way we define ourselves in comparison to others or to a societal standard…those are the stories we hold about our body, our enoughness.

Realizing that these things I held as truths were actually stories was a wake up call. Because if it wasn’t a truth, if it was an interpretation of what is enough that I’d made to feel as though it was the truth…it could change.

And the camera? Well, it brings up those stories. It is vulnerable to let ourselves be in images. We may be able to walk the world without those stories arising but then it feels like they await us in an image. It can even feel as though images are ‘proof’ of those stories. But it is BECAUSE they arise there that it’s also a platform for re-writing them.

In all the Be Your Own Beloved classes we step into being the narrator of our own story. We listen for our own voice outside of our inner critics voice.

This March, I’m offering a powerful 15 day program inviting you to acknowledge and reclaim your body stories. In this class we will:

Re-Connect with our body and it’s wisdom through the act of taking our selfies and integrating body awareness and mindfulness into the moment we take our selfies inviting in connection rather than disconnection
Begin to notice and acknowledge what the stories we have about our body are
Explore the way we can change our body stories and begin to let go of the critical stories that no longer serve us
Listen and strengthen our own voice of how we see ourselves, outside of our critics voice. We’ll notice the spaces that our inner critic is loud and make room for compassion there.
Invite in non-judgement and neutrality around our body.

Plus, when you register, I’ll send you over a worksheet to get started on pondering your body stories even before class begins!

This is an invitation to listen deeply to the voice inside us that might be whispering alongside a loud inner critic, but it’s there…that voice saying “I don’t believe that story I’ve held about my body anymore…and it’s time for a new one”.

This program isn’t about seeing our bodies completely anew in 15 days, but is about having a whole new way of seeing ourselves in only 15 days, but what we will do is wake ourselves up to the stories we’ve been judging ourselves by for a very long time and open ourselves up to the idea that they aren’t the truth.

They are indeed stories.

They are permeable, changeable.

They can be re-written, when we become the narrator.

Let’s be the narrator of our own stories, and choose stories that treat us the same way we’d treat a beloved!

Join me for Body Stories! Class starts March 1st (only 1 more week).

October 22, 2015

All of You is Worthy of Your Love (belly, rolls, curves & folds included)!

I went out for a photo walk in the garden I always go to, in a dress I had recently thrifted that felt like a second skin. The sun was out and I was aflutter with excitement about my upcoming trip. As well, the garden was quiet. It’s often filled with gardeners…though while strangers, I totally adore them cause they pay little notice to the woman in the polka dots taking photos amongst the flower beds.

But this day was quiet so I felt comfortable putting down my camera on the edge of a raised flower bed and stepping into one of the more open spaces in the garden.

I took tonnes of photos letting any worry about that being ‘too much’ slip away (I’ve had practice on that one). Everything felt in alignment and I felt really good about the photos as I looked at them…knowing that while it wasn’t my goal (my goal was just to celebrate feeling fabulous in that new-to-me-dress and how it felt like it let me see my body with kindness and even confidence exactly as it is right now) I would probably end up using them for my website.

And indeed I ended up using many of them as new blog and Facebook page headers and all around the site.

Then the moment came.

It was as though my eyes became tunnel vision focused in on one part of the photo.

That roll. That place where leggings end and push in a bit. You could call it a muffin top (though I don’t love that term…mostly because I hear it said with such mocking of our bodies rather than empowerment).

How could I not notice that.

Why did I post the photos?

Cool I didn’t notice it and judge it right away but what if people are out there judging me?

Now, if you’re wanting to say “I barely even noticed it” or reassure someone else of the okay-ness of their body…please do pause. That is super lovely of you but I hope you’ll keep reading before jumping to the comments to reassure me. This is the challenge of talking about the inner workings of our minds in the process of healing my body image…people want to reassure us, save us from ourselves. But don’t worry, I’ve got my own back…these are things that no matter what anyone else says, we need to let the kindness into our own hearts, for ourselves. So know that is what I thought in that moment and continue on to find out what happened next…

Do you know that feeling? That gut drop when you see a photo online and your eyes focus on one thing and only one thing?

It’s something I hear folks talk about regularly and definitely a tender thing for a lot of us.

In this moment I had that “I should take it down” feeling and that old muscle memory of taking a photo down in a panic almost began and then, thankfully, a new voice I’ve been cultivating (my inner body-love-mama-bear-protector) appeared kind of like it did in this moment I shared a while back and said.

“No….are you kidding me. How is this photo any less worthy than a moment ago when you loved it”.

And really, what was I to say to that. My inner-body-love-protector voice knows what to say to bring me back to my heart.

That voice is really new to me but its something I’ve been working really hard to develop. It had been a long long time of not knowing what words could calm my critic down before they finally developed into a voice that did speak the right words to help me return to centre. Though of course I still have those times where my critic is fiercer…its all a work in progress and always will be.

It’s also been about building resilience and not let those critical moments take over my day (cause that used to be the case…I’d take down those photos mortified at what people might have thought and then get caught up in the shame of it).

It isn’t just the moments of feeling absolutely fabulous and loving a photo that are the goal as much as learning how to hold ourselves with kindness when we don’t feel that way.

So the photos are still there and believe me I won’t take them down. Because I’m not looking to teach about body-image by being picture perfect. I want to continue to be real. And real me has rolls and folds and a belly and curves.

And I know in this body-love path, sometimes we need to see people who mirror our own selves rockin’ their self-empowerment to claim our own. My body is probably going to be quite different than yours in a myriad of way (cause we humans are so beautifully diverse) and sometimes when we see someone else’s story we have a tendency to do the “Ya, but she’s not _____ ” and compare our own bodies. If that’s the case, treat yourself to some time over at one of my favourite Tumblrs called Stop Hating Your Body which I love cause they really rock at including a really diverse range of folks on their blog. I hope you’ll see yourself reflected back by someone proudly rockin’ their own confidence.

If this whole idea of being in front of the camera and seeing photos of yourself feels well, terrifying or vulnerable to you…maybe the time is right to come and join in for the Be Your Own Beloved class that starts November 1st. This class wasn’t created for people who already rock selfies with total confidence. It was created for you, for folks who find the idea of it really really vulnerable (cause thats where I began with the process too). You don’t need fancy gear and smartphones are 100% welcome (even encouraged). Come join us and learn tools not only to take photos you feel good about but to build resilience for when you see ones that bring up old stories…like the one that happened for me today. Class starts soon!

August 19, 2015

A Change in Perspective

When I first picked up a camera (and fell head over heels in love with seeing the world through it) I wasn’t in the place I am now. I felt like I could only see my life in one perspective, tunnel vision, and that perspective was solidly rooted in my self-doubt and critique. Life was pretty mediocre and somehow I had convinced myself that was what I was deserving of.

But then the point came where every cell of my body started screaming ‘No…you’re wrong…this isn’t the only path your life could take”. What if it could be different? What if you could see yourself differently.

So, terrified, I let go of the tight grip on that perspective of myself and my life and let go.

But doubt still awaited me…who was I to want more? And what in the world might more look like? What was this new paradigm I was hoping to shift to and how in the world was I going to get there.

The camera became my guide.

I realized I didn’t need to know the answers. I knew this as soon as I picked up a camera and started seeing the world through it. It blew my mind how the same old street that I had walked down hundreds of times suddenly looked so different.

I realized that every day I could take my camera out and see something new, see beauty I would otherwise have passed by. To see the world from endless new perspectives.

And I did. There was always beauty to be found. Always a new angle to shoot at. It still feels that way even 9 years later.

That there is always going to be a new perspective, a new way to see through these same eyes.

I didn’t need to know how to ‘figure out my life’. I just needed to keep open to a new perspective and let it unfold.

So many of the people who join the Be Your Own Beloved class have a very a fixed vision of how they see themselves in photos. It seems set in stone.

“I’m not photogenic”

“Photos feel like proof of all the negative self-talk I have”

“I can’t get a good photo of myself”

I hear these kinds of statements all the time, the sureness of one perspective that to them, has always seemed true. I know that feeling well, as I have felt similarly. I had no expectation that the camera was going to help me heal my relationship to my self image. It was truly outside of the realm of possibility in my mind.

Plus, really, why would I think that? I had seen no clue through photos that the camera could capture me in any other way than the usual way that I could only see with critique. I was sure that I wasn’t beautiful. I saw it in my photo-story and I believed that is what other people saw too. I had proof in those photos. Or did I?

But then it all changed. The more I saw the world around me from brand new perspectives be it a flower petal or feather or taking a portrait of a friend. I approached them as though they were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, because now they were.

When I started turning the camera on myself, somehow a glimmer of that energy broke through the tall walls of self-doubt.

What would happen if I looked at myself in that way?

What if I approached myself as a photo subject and looked for beauty? I could find it everywhere, at any moment. Why not in myself? Why not in ourselves?

Do you, or did you have a fixed perspective of how you see yourself in photos?

What if you could break that one perspective wide open and see yourself through a whole new viewpoint, a whole new perspective?

And I know it’s scary. I know because I’m not just teaching this, I’m living this work. Because I still can still remember that feeling of believing that there would be no way, ever, that photos could be my ally. I was sure they were my enemy and proof of all negativity my inner critic launched at me.

But it wasn’t. And it doesn’t have to be the only perspective for you too.

I’m deeply passionate about helping people see themselves with kindness through their cameras not because of how much I love myself now, but because of how much I hated myself then.

I spent far too many years with that tunnel vision of self-digust.

I spent far too much energy critiquing myself and stubbornly disbelieving that there could be another way.

I spent far too much of my life worrying about how other people saw me above how I saw myself.

And I don’t want you to spend any longer there either. Because there is a new perspective awaiting you. One the camera will help you see. One that simply needs you to choose to see it. One that is available to any of us if we let it be.

Let’s choose to see ourselves from a different perspective (even if we can’t imagine what that would look like). Let’s trust in ourselves and invite in the camera as our guide.

January 28, 2015

A Love Letter to Your Body

If you were going to write your body a love note today…what would it say?

In Be Your Own Beloved we have a love note activity we do and it’s one I return to regularly as a tool for both connecting and making peace with my body, especially on tough days.

On this day, my love letter to my body went like this:

Dear Belly
I’m so sorry I made you ingest gluten last week and that you’ve been in pain ever since. Even after 20 years of being gluten free in so many ways it is still a day to day process of listening to you and remembering what I know you need (or rather don’t need) in order to feel at peace and not in pain.
But I’m on your side.
Love Vivienne

I posted this photo and the short love note below over on Instagram and asked you guys over on the Beloved Facebook Page what you’d write to your body today and I’m so grateful for the love notes y’all have shared over there. Feel free to add your love note over there and get inspired what others are sharing! Or if you decide to try this as a blog post or an Instagram prompt, share a link to it in the comments (or tag #beyourownbeloved on Instagram) so I can witness your love note and leave you a comment!