Category Archives: Self-Care

May 28, 2013

Vanity and Self-Portraiture

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Let’s talk about vanity!

Now, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time as this is probably one of the biggest ways that self-portraiture gets pigeon-holed, as an act of vanity.

I so deeply feel that when people assume taking selfies is ONLY about vanity, we actually disempower ourselves (or one another) from the act of telling the story of our lives through images. I think we also make the idea of seeing ourselves as in these images and feeling good about what we see as wrong.

This has been one of the core values I’ve been building these courses around, taking vanity out of the conversation and focusing in on storytelling, on just picking up the camera and showing up for ourselves.

But is vanity wrong?

I feel like self-portraiture invites us to explore our relationship to our self-image and yes, vanity.

Truthfully, I don’t feel like I can say that ‘No, self-portraiture has nothing to do with vanity’ because I only have my own experience of it.

We all likely have different experiences of it.

For a teenager trying to figure out their identity, taking self-portraits (yes, even of the facebook/myspace profile variety) might be an incredible tool to dive into finding self-confidence and figuring out who they are.

For those experiencing invisibility through gender stereotypes, the whitewashing of media and advertisements and for those who’s bodies don’t fit the mold of what is typically seen as ‘beautiful’ the act of taking self-portraits can be a downright radical act.

For me, having felt invisible for much of my life and not beautiful, taking self-portraits in which the goal is to see my own beauty and even dabble in vanity has been deeply healing.

For a person who has always been seen as typically ‘beautiful’ the act of taking self-portraits might be about telling the story of who she is beyond her beauty.

Is seeing ourselves and liking what we see (especially if that is a new experience) wrong? Is it any less the experience of storytelling if we are telling the story of self-hate turning into self-love and reclaiming a bit of vanity?

So truthfully, I don’t think it is as simple as saying that self-portraiture isn’t about vanity.

But I don’t think the act of self-portraiture is vain.

I do feel like self-portraiture invites us to explore our relationship to seeing ourselves with in a positive way, to see ourselves kindness and that involves liking what we see. To reclaim vanity or to throw it to the wind, whatever our story and our relationship to our self-image needs to shift towards a place of self-love.

I think self-portraiture can be a radical tool to see ourselves with love. That’s what I know.

Whether it is through embracing vanity, getting dressed up and seeing ourselves as beautiful because society (or people in our lives) don’t tell us that and we need to find it for ourselves. Whether it is ditching vanity and focusing on the story in the photo or whether it is focusing on the every day moments or the artistry because that is what calls you. I feel like all of these ways of taking self-portraits are deeply worthy. You are deeply worthy of taking self-portraits for any darn reason you’d like!

What matters is that we chose to pick up the camera and give ourselves the chance to feel worthy, to feel like enough, to see ourselves truthfully in the moment, to even feel beautiful or to feel more than beautiful, to feel in control, to feel empowered…to make space for whatever experience needs to unfold.

There is no wrong or right reason to take a self-portrait in my mind, yes even for the sake of vanity.

What matters is that we give ourselves the chance to be seen with kindness, by ourselves.

So bring it on, any way you like!

If you’d like support on your path to see yourself with kindness, come join me for the upcoming session of Be Your Own Beloved. Class starts November 1st!

May 6, 2013

New Wheels & a Lesson in Confidence

On Saturday I was heading home from ‘The Drive’, the main street in my neighbourhood and I stumbled across a yard sale.

There she was, shiny and red, cute and vintage. Unlike any other bike I’ve seen.

I asked the price, sure that once I heard it I would easily be able to pick up my groceries and walk home without it.

But then she said it, and it was wicked cheap. So I put down my groceries and gave her a spin.

3 gears,

pedal brakes

big tires

and she’s a folding bike

She rode like a dream and after that trial ride she became mine. I was smitten.

I went home, got my helmet and then headed out to the seawall, a bike path that weaves around the waters edge of this coastal city. I was worried at first that something was wrong, that there was a reason she was so affordable and that I’d need to do repairs but it was such a beautiful ride.

It reminded me of my bike at my parents house that I ride when I’m visiting for cottage time in the summer. Somehow pedal brakes and minimal gears just feels like summer to me, when you just can’t help but coast more and feel happy.

And then my gremlins a.k.a. my inner critic appeared.

Now, my gremlins and I have a long history and after lots and lots of work (and putting them in their place) we’ve kind of been at peace lately.

But there they were rearing their meanie selves again.

I’d bike past store windows and look at my reflection, much like I used to and judge how wide I looked from the side walking by a store window. Did I look like a fool on this bike? As I big girl, do I look silly riding this little bike? Is this bike too funky for me?

This went on for about 5 minutes and my gremlins ranted and raved and sucked the pleasure out of the moment. I remembered how icky it felt to have my gremlins taking over. So I had a conversation with myself that went something like this:

“Do you feel a sense of freedom on this bike?”

Yes.

“Does this bike make you happy”

Yes.

“Does this bike feel really comfortable to ride”

Yes.

“Will this bike allow you to be more free in getting around the city?

Yes.

“Will this bike be able to come on travel adventures with you because it is foldable?”

Yes

“Does this bike make you want to put on vintage dresses and ride it with style?”

Heck yes.

Then this bike is meant for you, and you have to honour it by rockin’ it with confidence.

And I looked up.

Towards me were biking two guys on tall bikes, then a couple on a flourescent pink tandem bike. A few minutes later a recumbant bike and then yes, even a unicycle. Then more and more, people of all body types and ages riding bikes by me. As each of them passed me I had to smile as it felt like the universe was listening and reminding me of this.

You can rock anything if you gather up the confidence to.

But when we get so caught up in our inward chatter, we miss the opportunity to feel really a part of a community that celebrates uniqueness if we just open up to noticing them.

So I let my shoulders relax.

And smiled the rest of the way home. People smiled widely back at me, not because I was riding a funky bike but because I was riding it with a gigantic happy smile on my face.

I wanted to share this with you in case you happen to adventure outside your comfort zone today and have an unexpected visit from your own inner critic. Look up, look outwards and see the beautiful brave diverse world around you and let yourself shine within it.

P.S. A new session of Be Your Own Beloved starts very soon…and is totally an experience where we get the opportunity to say NO to our inner critic, choose our own path and look up and see an amazing community of women ready to encourage & support us!

April 28, 2013

The Story is Unfolding

She didn’t know what would happen this time she turned the camera towards herself

Sometimes it would be the same story that asked to be told. The one about feeling at home in her own body, the one that craved to dance and twirl after too much time caged in, sitting on her hands trying to be still.

Sometimes it would be a calling to just send as much compassion her own way as she could, by looking through the camera.

Sometimes she would just yearn to be playful, to jump and make silly faces and make herself smile when she’d look at the images.

Sometimes she would yearn to capture herself in a way that made her feel beautiful, something she was only now starting to believe she was and she’d take that photo remembering that she gets to decide what about her is beautiful, on her own terms.

And some days, like on this day, the story was one that she didn’t even know yet.

One that she was in the motion of writing, right here right now.

And one day she’d look back at it and it would make so much sense.

But right now, all she knew was that her intuition told her: surround yourself in this green, this growing, this reaching towards the sky.

So she listened.

If your intuition is whispering to you that you’d like to try self-portraiture in a supportive community environment with self-reflective yet playful activities, a new session of Be Your Own Beloved is starting oh so soon…this wedensday May 1st! Come join us!

April 17, 2013

Evening Wanderings

I love a good photo walk something fierce.

In this season especially.

It is:

the unknown, not knowing what you will find.

seeing things anew, even though I usually wander the same neighbourhood.

the late in the day light and the fast moving, ever changing, golden glow and beauty of it.

the noticing of community: friends having a beer on a back porch, family dinner with the windows open, a bonfire.

the re-energizing and transformative power of just making the space for self-care through these wanderings and the way I always come back feeling better than when I went out on the photo walk.

Have you gone on any evening photo wanderings lately? Please share a link…I’d love to see a glimpse of your world!

March 22, 2013

My Company Self-Care Policies!

So, I’m 2 years into running a creative business and I feel like I’m just starting to really let go of feeling like its a short term thing! I’m more in love with this work than ever and I feel like I’m starting to stand stronger and really gain focus on where I want to take it! One fun way that has transpired is something that I’ve mentioned in a few interviews lately….my new ‘Company Policies’ (just saying it that way makes me giggle a bit, as its just me in my tiny East Vancouver apartment or the nearby cafe running this business…company policies make me think of offices and suits) but somehow saying it that way makes me feel like I have to do them!

Luckily, these policies are really centered around self-care.

I have two company policies:

Monday morning is journaling & goal setting time.

Friday afternoons are hiking time!

I know, fun right!

Since I don’t have a normal work week (and often work weekends) it feels like a way I can ground myself in the start and the end of the typical work week.

Monday mornings (and if not possible, at least sometime early in the week) I head over to one of my favourite cafe’s Little Nest with my journal. It feels good to have one place I go that I don’t use my computer and where it isn’t really the cafe culture to. Sometimes I’ll bring along a book I’m reading or something for research. Each week I try to make some goals for the week both energetically and monetarily. I also tend to make a priority to do list in my journal (even though I use TeuxDeux on my iPhone and computer for list making) but something about writing it down really feels right. Then I just let myself have some journal time to spill out whatever I need to. I love this time fiercely and am kind of amazed sometimes at what spills out into the journal. I think sometimes putting pen to paper frees our brain to create in a way that the computer doesn’t for me.

Fridays are hiking time! Sometimes I hike with friends but I try to make sure that I go alone too, because I find that these hikes clear my head like nothing else! I’ve had some great ideas for E-Courses wandering through the woods. It also just gets me away from my computer and moving, which feels amazing. On rainy fridays I’ll either go Saturday instead or I’ll replace it with more journalling time.

The thing I’m finding with both of these things is that they are just as important as sitting in front of my computer working. They are work. They make space for creativity to flow through pen and paper or through getting my mind away from internet-land and my body moving. They help me feel more ready to be productive when I do need to sit down in front of the computer and meet deadlines!

I might add some more policies in the future! These days I tend to get out on those photo walks at least once a week, which is vital! I might have to make it a company policy on rainy weeks too….as it feels so good to get out there and take photos even if I resist it at first!

Do you have some non-negotiable self-care built into your week?

Or some ‘company policies’ and I also think we don’t remotely need to have a business to build in these kinds of self-care acts into our week! What things can you do that would build in some self-care into your week? I highly recommend photo walks….even a short one around the block!