Category Archives: Self Love

January 20, 2014

Possibility & Self-Portraiture

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I know, self-portraiture can sometimes be a bit scary.

Because, there is so much unknown to it.

Will the same story I always see in my photos be reflected back at me?

Will it feel like proof of some of the stories I believe about myself?

Will I just feel ugly, or invisible, or not enough?

Or maybe we are just absolutely sure we know what the result of taking a self-portrait will be. Because we only know the story we’ve always seen in our photos, one that feels like proof of the way we might feel about ourselves or our bodies.

For real, I get all of this.

Cause I’ve been there.

This is exactly how I felt at first and every so often I get a wave of it coming back at me.

Here’s the thing though.

What it is so easy to miss when we are totally ready to see the same-old photos that we expect we’ll see…that we forget about possibility.

When folks join me for the Be Your Own Beloved class it is truly one of my favourite things to see, when they awaken to the possibility.

That we might, for the first time, see a photo of ourselves that we recognize with kind eyes.

That we might be wrong about not being photogenic, that we actually might not hate taking photos of ourselves.

That we might in fact be able to take photos of ourselves we feel really proud of, that make us feel seen.

That they can not only take photos of ourselves that we like, but that we might find our voice again.

That it isn’t about getting a ‘perfect’ picture. Its about creating space to let ourselves be witnessed, by ourselves & others.

It is possibility.

That doesn’t mean that we won’t also take those photos that tell those old stories. The key is that when we are open to that possibility, we get both of those kinds of photos and we (maybe for the first time) get to really choose and take the reigns of how we get to see ourselves.

For me it was a turning point. It made me realize that I knew in my heart I wouldn’t look back on this time in my life and especially in these photos with regret and wish my body was different, or that I was thinner. But I knew that there was major potential for me to look back and regret not looking at this point of my life and choose to see myself with love.

I needed to start being a part of the visual story of my own life.

Yes, we might find ourselves taking photos that bring up our inner critic but we will also likely take ones that make us smile wide and we will be given the chance to choose self-compassion over self-critique.

So, lets open ourselves to the possibility of a new way of seeing ourselves.

Even if that feels scary (especially if it feels scary)

Even if we hate having our photo taken and self-portraits feel really vulnerable.

Even if self-compassion feels really far away.

I have a new session of Be Your Own Beloved coming up and I hope that if this resonates, you’ll join me. This class isn’t created for people who already feel wildly confident and don’t struggle with seeing themselves with kindness. It is for folks (like me) who have had the weight of a negative self-image on our shoulders for far too long and are ready for change.

It was created because these are the tools that I most needed at the point in my life when it felt like I was fed up with so much self-hate and was ready to find some ways to change that (and yes, it was terrifying). I created Be Your Own Beloved because these are the tools I still need to strengthen and ground in a place of self-compassion each and every day.

I also wanted to share with you that there are a few changes ahead for the Be Your Own Beloved class after the February Session (don’t worry, the core prompts & structure are all staying the same…I’m just adding in some extra awesomeness) and there will also be a price change. So if you’d like to take the class at the super affordable price of $49, this is your session!

I can’t wait to explore the possibility that will unfold in this class with you and am so excited to invite you into this experience of seeing yourself with more compassion!

January 14, 2014

Making Someday…Today

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I’m slowly making it through Geneen Roth’s Book Appetites: On the Search for True Nourishment. Her books take me a while to get through as they are so packed with epiphanies for me that I often have to pause & journal about just one line or paragraph before continuing on. That is the best kind of book in my opinion (though I’m realizing after renewing this book from the library 3 times and I’m still not done…I just might need to buy it).

Today the chapter I was reading was about our parallel lives, the way that we create these other lives for ourselves usually referenced by statements “When I’m thin I’ll….” or “When I have success life will be…” or “When I’m loved everything will be…” where we imagine our parallel life and how it would be different if only we were different.

When we focus on our ‘parallel lives’ (which I know I often do) we disconnect from the life we’re living right here and now, seeing it as not enough.

Of course, everything gets channelled through the lens of “How does this relate to self-portraiture & self-love” in my brain these days (I can’t help it….I just love this work so much)!

It got me thinking of the way many of us save being in photographs until we are _____________ (lose weight, have a haircut, get better at doing our make-up, have a new outfit, have cooler shoes, etc).

I thought I’d share one of these moments I had lately which arose in the process of putting up a profile for online dating. I though I should get my photos taken. You know, confident, sassy, ‘the new me’…ready-to-date photos.

Of course that would involve getting my haircut first. Oh, and what will I wear? I imagined how awesome the photos would be.

I mean, a fun thought and all…but it quickly became a gigantic list of all the things I’d need to do to get that perfect photo. It became something very distant and became a “When I do this I’ll be ready to date” which of course meant I had to do all these things to be ready.

Yes, my parallel life was happening right there, that I’d be ready to date and I’d find love if only I had the perfect photos to make it happen.

For reals, this was my thought process. Yes, even though I am indeed a self-portrait photographer. Indeed, even though I have a computer full of photos that were not only perfectly fabulous to use for a dating profile, but in fact were representative to me of the journey to find confidence again. Photos that came from my journey to see myself with love and that I already felt beautiful in.

Of course, after a while I had to call myself out on this, and now have 2 photos up on a profile (trying to make some steps towards dating this year) both of course, self-portraits that I took during a session of Be Your Own Beloved. I figure if I am learning to see myself with love in these photos, then they are absolutely the right ones to put on a dating profile! Oh my…I actually can’t believe I’m telling you this story, but it kind of cracks me up in retrospect!

So I thought I’d ask you…do you have any photo related ‘parallel lives’ that are holding you back from just picking up the camera here and now and just sharing a photo that feels present with where you are at today?

If we shift away from saving taking a self-portrait for when our body changes, or we look “better” or we get the right outfit to finally invite ourselves into the frame? What would happen if we just let ourselves be enough to step into a self-portrait today?

If you happen to read this and pick up your phone or camera and just go for it and take a self-portrait…use the hashtag #beyourownbeloved so I can see it and cheer you on)!

January 8, 2014

Looking Ourselves in the Eye

One of my favourite moments of every day is getting to click on the #beyourownbeloved hashtag and see what new photos are up. Even between sessions (there is a class starting soon) there are lots of alumni, folks responding to prompts on my blog or newsletter or folks who just resonate with the #beyourownbeloved message sharing their self-portraits.

Its bliss to me, getting to look them in the eye and cheer them on.

The other day I decided to do a bit of an experiment and click on the general #selfie hashtag as truth be told, I’m so content in the bubble of the self-portraiture that I get to see when I check the #beyourownbeloved hashtag as well as on my Instagram feed from my peers…it inspires me to no end.

But I realized I’m not as aware as I could be about what the pop culture of self-portraits is these days. I don’t follow Kim Kardashian or Myeli Cyrus on my Instagram and have no clue what kind of selfies people, teenagers, celebrities…everyone outside of my blissful bubble of self-loving selfie takers…what do they do?

So indeed, I clicked on the hashtag #selfie on Instagram and poured through the images there. Some were definitely what I expected but lots of them amazed me, as I really feel like this culture of self-portraits isn’t all about vanity. Sure, many of them may have been taken from that place and I understand why people see self-portraiture in some cases as vanity.

Yet I didn’t want to get distracted by those and miss out on all of the people out there who are using it as a way to get to know ourselves, redefine ourselves, reclaim our relationship to what we are ‘supposed’ to look like. I saw a lot of that too.

There was one type of self-portrait that particularly intruiged me, like the one I took as an example of below. Folks taking a mirror self-portrait and looking at the phone.

I saw this type of self-portrait so often and it honestly isn’t something that I’ve done in a long time so I gave it a try (you can’t know unless you try, right)!

It felt comfortable, it felt normal…but something was missing. Part of the experience of self-portraits that is so important to me wasn’t there. It felt a bit disconnected to me.

It was then I realized what it was that was missing, eye contact, and I remembered why it feels so important to me to make eye contact with myself in a self-portrait.

It might be looking at ourselves in the mirror, eye to eye.
Or looking at the lens of the iPhone or camera, looking the camera in the eye.

I especially love that last one as when we look at the picture, we get to look ourselves in the eyes!

Now, if you click on the hashtag #beyourownbeloved in Instagram you’ll see we make a lot of eye contact in the class…and oh my…they are my favourite prompts and there are some powerful reasons why we make so much eye contact. I’m going to keep those prompts saved for you to experience Be Your Own Beloved (the new session starts soon…and I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise for you)!

But I wondered if you’d join me in exploring eye-contact in a self-portrait today?

Eye-contact in our self-portraits feels important to me because:

It invites us to check in with ourselves in that moment
It feels engaged and invites me to take a moment to really settle into my body
It allows me to look back at these photos and look myself in the eye

Sure, there are plenty of times when I don’t make eye contact and there is nothing wrong with our photo if we don’t…but it feels like a really important piece of the puzzle in seeing ourselves with love in our photos…..being able to look back at ourselves, in the eye, with love.

Will you join me today in taking an eye-contact self-portrait?

You might:

Take a mirror self-portrait and either look yourself in the eye or look into the lens of the camera
If you are using a camera or iPhone that has a front facing camera, look yourself in the eye in your phone!
Or take an arms length self-portrait with your camera or phone…just reach up and aim it back at yourself and look into the lens!

Of course, please do come share it with us if you are on Instagram or Facebook using the hashtag #beyourownbeloved

January 2, 2014

I Broke My Scale

Confession.

Earlier this year, I broke my scale.

Nope, not as in stomp on it until it broke as a revolutionary act of self-love…(though that sounds awesome).

But as in…I stepped on it, just as I regularly did and it smashed to pieces below me.

For a quick moment I thought ‘I should take a photo of this, it might make a great blog post tale some day’ but that thought was quickly replaced by a wave of shame that I had somehow broken my scale into tiny little pieces on the bathroom floor.

Plus, there was a tiny cat wandering curiously nearby and these tiny pieces could damage her paws so I swiftly cleaned it up.

I wondered if it might be a gift that the scale broke, but shame quieted that thought in the moment. I knew logically that it was just a crappy scale and that it wasn’t that the scale couldn’t handle my weight. Or that I did something wrong. But shame has a way of ignoring our logic, doesn’t it.

I cleaned it up and went on with my days, scale-free.

I didn’t grow up having a scale in the house which was a smart move on my Mom’s part, not wanting us to get obsessed with our weight. Over the years as an adult, I ended up with one and stepped on it once in a while.

I knew that as someone who believes that our body weight doesn’t define our worth and that we are worth loving ourselves exactly as we are …that those numbers on the scale didn’t define me.

At the same time, I couldn’t help but notice my reaction to the number, making me think I was doing something ‘wrong’ if the numbers went up, rather than listening to my body. I felt like it cultivated the old diet mentality in me with the “I’ll do better tomorrow” thought process. Of course, I knew it wasn’t nourishing me to have a scale in the house, but somehow it just became a habit…a daily check in outside of my own intuition on how I was ‘doing’ and whether I was good enough that day according to the scale.

The days following the scale incident?

I’ve gotta confess they’ve felt like a sweet relief.

Freeing. Familiar. With Ease.

Most importantly, it feels like it is getting me in touch with how I feel in my body again. Whether it was a good day holistically and intuitively, not numerically.

It was around that time that I read this post by the wonderful Rachel Cole called The Weightless Year.

It was then that I really realized that it really was a gift that the scale broke.

As Rachel says: “The scale takes you away from yourself. Giving it up brings you home”.

Being scale-free got me back in touch with my internal scale & sense of self, rather than an outside source…one that somehow, despite all the work I’ve been doing over the years, was a regular voice in my life of what I was doing wrong or right.

I’m so grateful in the big picture that I’ve spent much of my life without a scale in the house (thanks Mom) and especially these days it just feels really right as a way to strengthen that internal voice that is learning to love myself just as I am and not by a number on a scale.

I’m not really big on ‘Resolutions’ and never plan them, but some years one just shouts at me to listen and take part. The rather dramatic smashing of the scale a few months back felt like it made space for me to join in on Rachel’s idea of the Weightless Year and give it a try this year.

Plus, this is my year of ‘Worthiness‘ and what a better way to clearly establish that I get to define my own worthiness than this!

I’m also loving this series over on The Militant Baker called The Smash the Scale Revolution…and while I don’t have a scale to smash (cause I already did just that) I’m in for the challenge.

In the end it really has been a gift to break my scale. With it, I feel like it broke a pattern, a daily way in which I put the voice of others ahead of my own.

What would going without a scale look like for you? For a week or a month or even a year? Or maybe you decided to ditch your scale a long time ago! I’d love to hear your thoughts & experiences around this?

December 30, 2013

My Body Acceptance & Self-Love Realizations of the Past Year

I think some of my favourite posts here on the blog this year were the steps I made in my own self-acceptance & self-love path….what I loved about each of these were that they happened when I most needed them to (and least expected them to) but all of them felt like really big progress on my own path of self-acceptance and seeing myself with kindness.

This was also the year that my teaching about self-portraiture really shifted from being artistically focused to being all about using self-portraiture as a powerful and transformative tool for seeing ourselves with compassion. Be Your own Beloved was born. Doing the class myself 4 times this year (and participating in them as much as possible) feels like a big part of these realizations. These activities can be might transformative and doing them again and again this year I realized how many deeper layers of learning about self-love unfolded.

The clearest way I can share with you how things have changed in my relationship to my own inner critic is that things just feel quieter, gentler, simpler. After having your inner critic shouting at you for most of your life, you can’t help but notice when bits of quiet arise.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what happens when we find ‘self-love’ and make progress on our path. Like with most goals, I feel like we might expect bells & whistles and self-love that feels ecstatic. But quite honestly, I’m discovering that as I’m healing some of my own pain, it just feels really quiet and gentle. No bells & whistles…just a feeling of respite and release from my own inner critic.

These moments were ones I won’t forget because they were just simple yet powerful moments on ever evolving path of self-love in this lifetime.

I wanted to share a few of the posts with you from this past year that have been awakenings on my self-love path & I hope they might resonate with you on your path too!

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Because of, Not in Spite of

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Little Bike and a Lesson in Confidence

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Shrinking Body Shame (and how Running Tights helped me realize that)

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Our Changing Body Stories (and my Long Legs)

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Before & After: Revisioned

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Worthy: My Word of the Year for 2014

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Did you have some self-love or body acceptance realizations this year? I’d love to hear about it so don’t hesitate to leave a link to your blog post or share your experience with me!