Category Archives: Self Love

November 3, 2013

Shrinking Body Shame (and how Running Tights feel Revolutionary)

So, this afternoon I went out for a run. It was that perfect kind of fall weather…sunny but cool and I know that so much of winter running is usually all about the rain so I wanted to savour the day.

For the first time ever…I wore running tights.

Now, after many years of being a runner, this felt like a pretty big deal.

I mostly have worn running clothes that are pretty loose (or to exercise in general) but in the summer and up until now, something shifted for me.

Did my thighs shrink enough that I was finally cool to wear something so fitted? Nope.

Thats not the reason and also, that doesn’t feel like the relationship I want with my body: One of ‘not enough’ and of being worthy of self-love when I reach a certain goal.

But you know what is shrinking…my body shame.

I run, with these strong legs and they are not something to be ashamed of (nor would they be if they were bigger. Or if I wasn’t a runner).

In the summer I had started to wear running skirts which I definitely think helped me feel more comfortable in running clothes that weren’t baggy and helped me shift towards today. But my skirts still hid my upper thighs, so today feels like a coming out of sorts. As a plus size runner who doesn’t want to hide her body under baggy running clothes anymore.

So I thought i’d get even braver in that moment and practice what i preach & take a self-portrait (and I shared in on Instagram as I finished my run)!

I wanted to share this with you as this path to seeing ourselves with kindness and our body with love is a process and I’m really grateful that what is shrinking is not my body itself, but rather my shame around it.

Because I truly feel that I won’t look back with regret about my body size and wish I was a size 10 (or smaller) but I do feel that I will look back and wish I treated myself with more love just as I am whether or not my body shifts & changes.

To me its about finding my way home to my body and to confidence in it and its a long and winding path. Yet every so often, a little something happens (like deciding to wear my running tights) that feels like a moment of celebration and progress on the path of self-love.

So thanks for letting me share this moment with you.

P.S. The tights are from at Athleta (its these ones in case you are wondering)

And if you’re craving to shift your own body stories and shrink body shame, come join me for the powerful Body Stories class starting March 1st!

October 29, 2013

The Soul Sisters Gathering!

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This past weekend I was in Portland and was so lucky to get to gather with an incredible group of women at the Soul Sisters Conference and oh my goodness, this photo feels like it captures the experience for me.

I’m freshly home and am thinking of all of the highlights of the gathering. Things like:

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I’m home feeling truly grateful that every so often my online world becomes face to face connections and it is truly something that I feel so lucky for (and I hope you’ll gift yourself with these experiences too…I think there are more Soul Sisters events to come, so definitely keep your eyes open at the Magpie Girl Gatherings site!

P.S. Be Your Own Beloved starts on Friday so there are only a few more days to jump into this journey of seeing ourselves with kindness through our cameras. Come join us!

June 10, 2013

Stepping out From Behind the Camera

When I first started taking self-portraits, even before I started going outside to seek out the beauty around me (and within me) it began even closer to home.

Yup, in my bathroom.

It really is an amazing place to take self-portraits isn’t it? It usually has a mirror and it is the one place where people might not question what we’re doing taking time for ourselves there! It was truly the perfect place to begin. All I had to do was hold up the camera and click.

Soon though, I realized that it had become my comfort zone. Not just taking photos in the bathroom but the way that I took photos, where I often held the camera up to my face and peeked out from behind it or held it in front of me.

I liked my comfort zone but I also felt like there was a lot more one could do with self-portraiture and I wanted to try it. For so many of us who are the folks who are often behind the camera (with our families or as a photographer) as we dabble in self-portraiture, we might still want to be behind the camera (literally) when we take self-portraits.

I knew that when I found out how to get out from behind the camera I would be able to take some cool photos, but I had no idea it would be so much more than that.

So I wanted to share a few of the tricks I found for getting out from behind the camera in my self-portraits in case they would be useful to you and share a bit about the unexpected learning that happened when I let myself step into the frame.

Use the Mirror to See Your Viewfinder

So the first step in breaking out of that comfort zone was to stay in the bathroom (or in front of the mirror) but get out from behind the camera. One of the biggest tricks that helped me burst out from behind the comfort zone was actually the mirror itself. Whereas the iPhone I have now has a front facing camera so I can see myself as I take the photo, the simple point and shoot (and my first iPhone) didn’t. In a way it was good as I had to figure out ways to compose my photo without being able to see it as I was no longer looking through the viewfinder.

All I did to get out from behind the camera using the mirror was to actually turn my camera on myself as I faced the mirror….and what happens is that when we look in the mirror we can see the back of the camera! Now I was no longer behind the camera but didn’t have to shoot blindly (though that is fun too). Of course I did need to take lots of photos, but that is part of the fun!

Put Your Camera Down on the Ground (or a Tripod)

The next step in getting out from behind the camera was to get outside! I started to seek out fun spots at ground level to take a self-portrait. Most cameras have a timer, so getting to know it proves to be so useful.

If you are using an iPhone and you haven’t yet discovered the app Gorillacam, please go get it! Gorillacam is amazing. It allows you to use both a front or back facing lens on your iPhone but with a timer. You can also set the timer to begin in a certain number of seconds as well as set it to take a chunk of photos one after another. This is such a great way to get ourselves in front of the lens as we can move in our photos or try different things with out having to pause between each photo!

Getting outside and finding places to take self-portraits is a beautiful adventure. We might use a tripod or find some make-shift places to prop our camera or iphone but it expanded my self-portraiture adventures vastly to start stepping into the frame.

Let go of Control (in order to find it)

The big realization that came from this process was that by hiding behind the camera in my self-portraits I was wanting to retain control and to see what was happening as I was taking the photo. The big and unexpected discovery that happened when I let go of the control of seeing my self-portrait as I was shooting it was that by letting go of that type of control I actually made room for a different sense of being in my power in taking photos.

I think at first self-portraits can feel really vulnerable and we might think of all the photos we might have seen of ourselves taken by someone else where we felt out of control (or didn’t want to be photographed). I know that is the way I often feel when someone else takes my photo. But with self-portraiture, especially when we let go of visual control from behind the lens and we step fully into our photo, we might find a sense of freedom and at the same time a new sense of control.

When we are in the photo, our hand are now free and we get to be in our bodies. I know when someone takes a photo of me I tend to not feel in my body but I was amazed to discover that when I was in front of the camera (while still being the photographer) I was in control of it all. By stepping into the frame I got to find my way into being in my body. Often this is a little dance I do before the timer starts to just feel rooted or often it is that I can create some movement in the photo itself. When we free our hands from the camera we invite our body to move and create a space where we get to be the subject of a photo, but our way.

It felt like freedom to me yet at the same time I felt even more in control of my self-image than when I hid behind the camera!

Of course there are truly no right or wrong ways to take a self-portrait so sometimes I still like to take a self-portrait with my camera in the photo but I no longer feel like I’m hiding behind it! Do you perhaps have a similar comfort zone of having your camera in the photo with you or not letting go of looking through the viewfinder when you are taking self-portraits? Comfort zones are awesome and my goodness in the process of self-portraiture we sure do need to find them, but I hope if you are craving to step out from behind the camera in your self-portraits that these ideas will be useful to you!

May 28, 2013

Vanity and Self-Portraiture

Let’s talk about vanity!

Now, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time as this is probably one of the biggest ways that self-portraiture gets pigeon-holed, as an act of vanity.

I so deeply feel that when people assume taking selfies is ONLY about vanity, we actually disempower ourselves (or one another) from the act of telling the story of our lives through images. I think we also make the idea of seeing ourselves as in these images and feeling good about what we see as wrong.

This has been one of the core values I’ve been building these courses around, taking vanity out of the conversation and focusing in on storytelling, on just picking up the camera and showing up for ourselves.

But is vanity wrong?

I feel like self-portraiture invites us to explore our relationship to our self-image and yes, vanity.

Truthfully, I don’t feel like I can say that ‘No, self-portraiture has nothing to do with vanity’ because I only have my own experience of it.

We all likely have different experiences of it.

For a teenager trying to figure out their identity, taking self-portraits (yes, even of the facebook/myspace profile variety) might be an incredible tool to dive into finding self-confidence and figuring out who they are.

For those experiencing invisibility through gender stereotypes, the whitewashing of media and advertisements and for those who’s bodies don’t fit the mold of what is typically seen as ‘beautiful’ the act of taking self-portraits can be a downright radical act.

For me, having felt invisible for much of my life and not beautiful, taking self-portraits in which the goal is to see my own beauty and even dabble in vanity has been deeply healing.

For a person who has always been seen as typically ‘beautiful’ the act of taking self-portraits might be about telling the story of who she is beyond her beauty.

Is seeing ourselves and liking what we see (especially if that is a new experience) wrong? Is it any less the experience of storytelling if we are telling the story of self-hate turning into self-love and reclaiming a bit of vanity?

So truthfully, I don’t think it is as simple as saying that self-portraiture isn’t about vanity.

But I don’t think the act of self-portraiture is vain.

I do feel like self-portraiture invites us to explore our relationship to seeing ourselves with in a positive way, to see ourselves kindness and that involves liking what we see. To reclaim vanity or to throw it to the wind, whatever our story and our relationship to our self-image needs to shift towards a place of self-love.

I think self-portraiture can be a radical tool to see ourselves with love. That’s what I know.

Whether it is through embracing vanity, getting dressed up and seeing ourselves as beautiful because society (or people in our lives) don’t tell us that and we need to find it for ourselves. Whether it is ditching vanity and focusing on the story in the photo or whether it is focusing on the every day moments or the artistry because that is what calls you. I feel like all of these ways of taking self-portraits are deeply worthy. You are deeply worthy of taking self-portraits for any darn reason you’d like!

What matters is that we chose to pick up the camera and give ourselves the chance to feel worthy, to feel like enough, to see ourselves truthfully in the moment, to even feel beautiful or to feel more than beautiful, to feel in control, to feel empowered…to make space for whatever experience needs to unfold.

There is no wrong or right reason to take a self-portrait in my mind, yes even for the sake of vanity.

What matters is that we give ourselves the chance to be seen with kindness, by ourselves.

So bring it on, any way you like!

If you’d like support on your path to see yourself with kindness, come join me for the upcoming session of Be Your Own Beloved. Class starts November 1st!

April 18, 2013

The Importance of Outtakes!

Yesterday I went out for a wander to the local community garden in my neighbourhood. There are actually 2 community gardens a block apart. The first one, Cottonwood Gardens, is my happy place these days. But on that day it was packed full of gardeners (which is awesome) so I headed over to the second one a block away.

What I love most about taking photos or self-portraits in a community garden is that there is always SO much to see so it is easy to try one spot and if it isn’t grooving, move on to another. I had done this for a while, trying a few spots and then found my way to a beautiful blue shed and started taking some arms length selfies with my iphone.

30 photos later I felt totally happy from the experience and looked through them and found the one that felt most like me. The one that I could look at and feel like I see the woman I am becoming.

As usual after a photo walk I picked a few from the day to share on Instagram and felt drawn to share this one.

But I wanted to tell you how I got there and talk about how important the other 29 photos were.

I feel it is so easy to assume that someone just reached out their arm and got that one shot that they are sharing on Instagram or Facebook.

But for all of us (all of us, for reals) it is often a number of shots until we get that one that feels just right. I usually change angles, turn from side to side to see which light I like better and truthfully it often takes me a number of shots to just settle into the moment and get settled in my body.

The more photos we take, the more opportunity we give ourselves to get the photo that feels really empowering.

I also feel like those other 29 photos are just as valuable as that one. That even if they didn’t get picked for that one that I felt the most connected to, they are all me…showing up in front of the camera. We don’t tend to get that one (or many) we loved without the rest.

In Be Your Own Beloved we aren’t exploring how to take the perfect self-portrait or even capturing a certain type of beauty. Not at all, quite the opposite in fact. In BYO Beloved I am inviting you to just create the space to be seen, by you (and if you’d like, by the community in the class who are all doing the same brave act of seeing themselves with kindness).

Self-portraiture isn’t just about seeing ourselves with kindness too…it is about making space to say ‘this is me today’ or ‘i am worthy of this today’ or ‘I love this moment and want to capture it’ or ‘I feel ______ today’. It is about inviting ourselves into the visual story of our own lives.

And that process involves outtakes!

Often lots of them in fact.

So I wanted to tell you that this time (and every time I share a selfie) that it is one of many. That it might have taken 5 minutes or 20 minutes to get that photo. That I might have only loved this one or I might have been proud of many of them and that while I do this for myself. I do it in hopes that you will pick up your camera too and make the space for yourself today. I want to live it in hopes that each time I do you will feel braver in trying it yourself.

So, just in case you need it today, lets give ourselves permission to take a whole lot of photos today!

And I wanted to share some of the outtakes with you! The first are some outtakes from that one shot and the others are some outtakes for taking some jumping shots (and oh my….you often need to take even more to get that one jumping shot where you get air)!