Category Archives: Self Love

February 12, 2013

14 Days of Self-Love ~ Day Twelve: Forgive Me by Alana Sheeren

Today we hear from the incredible Alana Sheeren on her journey to see her self and her body with kindness and compassion. Alana’s work so moves me. I’ve been loving watching her Transformational Talk series. Welcome Alana!

My belly button hasn’t recovered from pregnancy.

It used to be a cute innie, pierced in my twenties and adorned with a glittering aquamarine stone. Now it’s a strange looking, stretched, bulgy outie that my daughter likes to poke at and wonder about out loud.

I remember lying in bed with my husband somewhere in my 6th or 7th month, laughing hysterically as it popped in and out, following my laughter like some crazed jack-in-the-box. It was fun at the time, part of the wonder of being pregnant (especially after a miscarriage). Now it’s a reminder of how my life has been transformed.

After my daughter was born, I had a hard time losing the pregnancy weight. Two years later I had another miscarriage, then a broken leg, another pregnancy, bedrest, emergency surgery and a stillborn son. By the end, I didn’t recognize myself when I looked in the mirror and I felt deeply betrayed by organs, muscle and bone.

I made a vow to return to health. I had few rules – no diets, only exercise I loved. I learned gluten was damaging my insides and within days of giving it up felt lighter inside. One morning I stood naked in front of the mirror, dissecting myself with a judgmental eye. I stopped, put my hands on my soft, still pregnant looking belly and said, I’m sorry. Thank you. I love you. Please forgive me. I cried and forgave myself. The weight slowly melted away.

Judging the physical form comes as naturally to me as walking. I grew up dancing and learned early on that I was too tall, not skinny enough and without enough natural turnout to live my ballerina dream. I spent years in Hollywood, glancing around me in audition waiting rooms to see who was prettier, shorter, funkier, thinner, more worthy of the work than I. I dieted and yo-yo’d my way through two decades, rarely satisfied with how I looked.

Now, on the other side of giving birth to life and death, I feel such huge compassion for our bodies. I catch my judgments more quickly, and celebrate our differences instead of letting them feed my ego’s desire for comparison. Somewhere along my healing path, I began asking my body what it craved and listening to the answers – to dance, to sleep, to feel pleasure, to be honored and seen as sacred. While I still struggle to prioritize these things, when I love and care for my body, I feel like I am saving my own life.

These days I stop short when I see my body in pictures. Everything external has changed: thinner legs, softer belly, deeper lines, breasts less perky after nursing a child. There are moments when I laugh out loud at the sight of myself in a shop window, delighted and amazed. I am grateful for my body’s strength and power, for the messages it sends, and the new ways it experiences, inhabits and responds to the world around me.

But on the days I find myself worrying that my thighs have suddenly expanded, or wondering what it would take to finally firm up my belly, or if there’s botox-free way to erase the frown lines from my brow, I do my best to stop, place my hand gently on that part of my body and say, I’m sorry. Thank you. I love you. Forgive me.

Imperfect, lovely, loving, she always does.

Alana Sheeren is an emotional alchemist, deep conversation catalyst, Reiki Master, Kundalini yogi and proud mama of two children, a 5-year-old daughter and a stillborn son. Her unique blend of compassion, insight and expertise creates a warm, judgment-free space for deep exploration, self-realization and growth.

You can find her at AlanaSheeren.com, where you can download her free e-book, Picking Up the Pieces: thoughts on grief and growth, watch her interview series, Transformation Talk, or read about Life After Benjamin, where she captured the daily ups and downs of grief and loss.

February 11, 2013

14 Days of Self-Love ~ Day Eleven: Looking Back at You by Hannah Marcotti

I’m so excited to have the lovely Hannah Marocotti joining us today! I’m head over heels for Hannah’s work and her amazing classes. Today Hannah shares a story with us about looking back at your self in the past with love and kindness and how doing this for herself helps cultivate self-love.

I asked Patrick if he remembered the first time he met me. I knew he did of course because he has told me the story many times. We were both in the theatre department and there was a party at a house out in the woods and all of us were gathering together for rides to the house.

I was coming out of a horrible heartbreak but determined to get myself up and dressed and out to this party, the last before summer. I was 18 years old for reference! I started over to the meeting spot and I do remember him sitting in the back of a truck or something. Right about the same time the person who broke my heart showed up. Needless to say I didn’t go to the party. I think I ran back to my dorm as fast as I could. Details of the heart-break not shared but I will say it was so completely devastating, even as I look back on it. I can’t believe such a young soul had to be inside such sadness.

But Patrick will say he met me and was really pleased I would be at the party. He said he thought I was beautiful but in such a different way than other people. He tells the story with words about how my style and who I was didn’t seem the same as other 18 year olds. I wore a scarf every day, huge earrings, layers, hats…

He was bumming that I didn’t go to the party.

My sense of self was so strong when I was younger. I remember it. I remember the feeling of being 19. I have always known how deeply our style translates who we are to people faster than words. It was how I communicated with my surroundings. No one was talking about HSP or females with ADD and I had yet to have my first panic attack.

The layers provided me with gentle comfort. The scarves held me grounded. The jewelry centering. I remember I used to come back to my dorm for a nap each day and I would strip off the layers down to leggings and a bodysuit. Oh yes, I said bodysuit, every day. (It was the 90′s!)

As Patrick and I are both seeking healing in our own lives and in our relationship we find it so helpful to look back. To remember. To find the connections not just to our togetherness but to who we were.

To remember what we loved.

To remember what felt good.

To remember what made us laugh.

To remember the kind of people we loved spending time with.

To remember our why-s.

To remember our passion.

To remember our style.

To remember our movements.

Our dance.

Our spirit.

Our me.

At some point, I don’t remember quite when, maybe when I got my first job and had to wear a uniform, or when I started to make decisions that went against my heart and gut, or when I was going through that slightly painful decade(s) of growing up – I started to disconnect. I do believe we are born with all of our answers and truths but the journey we are on is how we unearth them. I don’t believe that journey is supposed to be free of mistakes or loss or regrets or missteps.

How could we reach these beautiful places without going through the whole emotional scale? The reason I believe in joy so deeply is because I believe in all emotions, all feelings and their validity to our purpose, to our being.

Every time I think how calm and slightly easy my life seems to be something happens. I go into the shake-up, the crazy-making, the lesson-learning, the heart-expanding.

These last 4 or 5 years have been about the journey back to me. Connecting back to the passion of that 19 year old girl in a woman’s body with so much less fear. With a confidence that can only come with the seasoning of the soul. I’ve always felt like an old soul whose mission was to relearn and then guide others once I found the inner wisdom.

What I am asking of you is this :: Look back at you.

Grab yourself at any age where you felt connected and wise and free. When you climbed mountains or went on road trips or ran around on the beach in the nude. Free.

Don’t go back and look at your mistakes, you’ve already grabbed the wisdom from them. Don’t focus on regrets, they are spirit eaters. Don’t blame. Dear me, don’t blame others or yourself. That is baggage for the heart sad. We want heart happy.

That 19 year old wanted her nose pierced and to have tattoos and to live in NYC. She wanted to be madly in love inside of a passionate love affair and no marriage certificate. She desired becoming a mama always. She couldn’t remember why she ever put down the guitar or was too afraid to take singing lessons. She always thought about belly dancing. A road trip across the United States made her tingle. She spent so much time thinking about rearranging furniture and going on auditions. She craved time barefoot in gardens and lying in the sun letting the Vit D soak into her skin. She loved making people feel good.

Now at 38 I can go back to her desires and align them with the me now. The strength that has come with the journey allows me to look back at her desires and peek at them next to my desires now. Part of my visioning process comes from her wishes too. She is me. I am her.

Look back at you.

Take the time to remember. Throw out the should-of could-of crap. You are you now.

White space. Beautiful canvas. Emerging feminine. Desirous spirit.

Go.

Hannah Marcotti
Quietly Impassioned Motivator.
Highly Sensitive Truth Seeker.
Tattooing Joy On The Spirits Of Many.

Hannah Marcotti is a quietly impassioned motivator who serves as guide to your gorgeous life and business of the heart. She is a highly sensitive mama who wishes to help you dream and seek out the truth of your purpose and help you celebrate life. She is often found tattooing joy on the spirits of those in her community. Each Thursday morning Hannah sends out a love note to her community which you can sign up for here.

Connect with Hannah here:

Website :: http://hannahmarcotti.com

Twitter :: @hannahmarcotti

Facebook :: https://www.facebook.com/hannah.marcotti

Instagram :: @hannahmarcotti

February 10, 2013

14 Days of Self Love ~ Day Ten: Is it Worth Risking Everything to Be True to Your Heart by Pace Smith

I’m so honoured to have the wonderful Pace of PaceandKyeli.com sharing her story of self-love today (and you’ll hear from Kyeli this week too)! Let’s get inspired by Pace today as she shares that journey of coming to a point where you need to follow your heart, even when its a big risk.

Choosing to love myself wasn’t a decision I made once, and then it stuck forever. It’s a decision I make every day.

Each day, I choose to fall in love with myself all over again. And like any skill, it gets easier the more you practice.

Ten years ago

Why can’t I just be happy the way I am? Why can’t I be happy with the body I was born with? Why can’t I be happy with the gender I’ve lived as for the past 25 years?

It’s not that big a deal. I’ve been fine with a male body and a male gender role for my entire life so far. It would be way easier to just stick with that. I don’t want to freak out my family, friends, and coworkers. I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.

It’s comfortable. I’m strong. I can take it.

But… but it just doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel true to myself. My true self is female, and I want to align my body and my life with my true self.

Is it worth risking everything to be true to my heart?

Yes. Yes it is.

Four years ago

Why can’t I just be happy working at this programming job?

I love my coworkers. I solve interesting problems. They pay me gobs of money.

It’s comfortable. I’m strong. I can take it.

But… but it just doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel true to myself. My heart lights up when I help others get in touch with their hearts and live their lives wholeheartedly. My brain lights up when I program, but my heart doesn’t.

Is it worth risking everything to be true to my heart?

Yes. Yes it is.

Six months ago

Why can’t I just be happy living in one pl-

Fuck this. Let’s hit the road.

Pace Smith is a starry-eyed queer spiritual nomad who loves to play Dance Dance Revolution. She’s happily married to Kyeli, her partner in life and in business, and together they live a nomadic life RVing across the country, helping others live wild crazy meaningful lives. You can find her at PaceAndKyeli.com.

February 9, 2013

14 Days of Self-Love ~ Day Nine: Remembering by Anna Guest-Jelley

I’m so excited to have Anna Guest-Jelley here to share a beautiful post with you! Anna’s Curvy Yoga is such an empowering new revolution in yoga and her blog posts like: Body Love is Always Available, What to Do When Your Yoga Teacher talks about Weight and Bodily Thanks are posts I love to read again and again. Lets savour Anna’s words today!

Re-membering

I came to self-love because I forgot.

I forgot how to feel.

I forgot connection and what my body was actually hungry for.

I forgot how to feed myself with care, not condemnation.

I forgot many of my actual memories, so stuck in the land of must-change-my-body was I that I was rarely present for my in-the-moment life (whether good or bad).

And for a long time, I wanted to believe that it wasn’t that I’d forgotten, but that I’d never known.

Yet something deep down kept telling me I could remember.

Actually, as a dear friend’s teacher says, my body told me I could re-member. Thread myself back together with strands of love, feathers of softness, seashells of nourishment, leaves of care.

And so I began: first digging out my sewing machine, which I had been so sure I’d lost. But then, there it was — in the form of a therapist, me-shaped yoga practice and slow, deep breaths.

Next, I went searching for a pattern, assured I wouldn’t find the right one amidst all the choices. But then, when I’d almost given up hope, I didn’t find just one — I found as many as I needed to create the tapestry required. They looked like the right book at the right moment, inspiring blogs, beautiful art, a journal, late night conversations with soul friends.

Then I went looking for tools: after all I’d gathered, I was worried I wouldn’t find the appropriate needle or that it would break halfway through. And then I wasn’t sure the thread would match the various patterns.

But as I sat down and took a deep breath, putting my foot ever so delicately to the pedal, I knew in an instant that it wouldn’t be a problem. That in re-membering, I had the opportunity to choose anew. To shape and reshape this garment called self-love as often as I needed to – until it became a second skin.

~
Anna Guest-Jelley is the founder of Curvy Yoga – a training and inspiration portal for curvy yogis and their teachers. As a writer, teacher and lifelong champion for women’s empowerment and body acceptance, Anna encourages women of every size, age and ability to grab life by the curves. Connect with Anna on Facebook and Twitter.

February 8, 2013

14 Days of Self-Love ~ Day Eight: Be Your Own Damn Star by Amanda Oaks

Self-Portrait with Kat McCullough

2 years ago, if you would have bumped into me on my path of Self-Love, you would have met me curbside, sitting on a bench, lonely & in the dark. While, what felt like everyone else, was basking in their beautiful & luscious freedom.

I probably would have been thinking about how I gained fifty pounds through both my pregnancies. How I went from a size 8 to a size 15…

Drowning in muffin-topped, flabby-armed, round-faced, double-chinned, thunder-thighed, emotional-eating thoughts while trying to hide the gorgeous changes that took place under big purses, cardigans & pillows.

It took me awhile to get up off that bench & start walking again. It took me awhile to swim out of the pitch blackness of self-pity & self-loathing. It took me awhile to see the beauty of it all. I mean, I knew what my body did, it grew & then birthed two amazing & beautiful beings out into the world but sometimes it was hard to see that marvel in the dark. Sometimes, when I did, I would feel guilt for not seeing it all the time. What a monstrous cycle, right?

I was incarcerated by the toxicity of my thoughts.

If I wanted to slide down that slippery slope & into that cell again, right now, inside this moment, I would say: It took me too long to get my ass up & off that bench.

But it didn’t.

The timing of my getting up, the turtle-walk from the bench back to the path of radically loving myself & my life again, was perfect.

I got side-tracked often in the beginning. Usually because I was leaning too far into what other people thought of me. When someone would make an off-handed comment about what I was eating, or how it looked like I might have lost weight. I would verge off the path again for a minute or a day or three but I kept going, even if I had to weed-whack my way back with a sickle for days.

I found my way back.

Mosquito-bitten & legs ripped to shreds, but I did & I would heal, with the best tools I had at the time.

One night though, last August, as I was walking a little faster & wiser on my Self-Love Journey than I had been in years… (my lifetime?)

I found the most gorgeous circle of light.

I ran as fast as I could, caught up with it & held it…

or rather…

I let it hold me.

I found the healing power of hoop dance & I can say – brazenly – that it has changed my life.

I used to go out dancing with my girlfriends every weekend. We would dance barefoot in dive bars (yes, just like Joni sang about), beer in hand, dance until we were out-of-breath & sweating. It was sing-at-the-top-of-our-lungs JOY.

That was my weekly release. I danced the shit out. The stress of, well, life.

When I found the hoop, it brought back that sense of freedom that I so desperately needed in my life, especially since sometimes I felt trapped (you mamas of young babes know what I am talking about.)

Music & dancing have always been my favorite forms of meditation but there’s something about adding the hoop to the mix that is fuckin’ magical.

Old issues, everyday issues, mama issues, body issues, anxiety, stress, overwhelm…

*POOF*

Gone.

All of it.

(You know, unless I’m sleep deprived or hungry, basic needs must be meant to maintain.)

The movement, the music, the dancing — meditative, energizing, playful.

It gave me a new appreciation for my body. It lit me up from the inside out. It got me moving again. It took me on a joyride far, far away from where I was.

It became my light AND my sickle, & we forged a brand new path by dancing through underwood.

It fed my courage a big dose of much-needed who the fuck cares what anyone thinks, mama, just dance, just BE FREE.

So here’s my wee message to you today, dear heart:

Find something, anything, everything, that lights a fire under your ass because life is too damn short to spend it sitting curbside wishing this, that or the other thing.

Love yourself wherever you are, be your own damn star because: