Category Archives: Self Love

February 7, 2013

14 Days of Self-Love ~ Day Seven: Rest as Self-Love by Liz Lamoreux

Reframing Rest

Several months ago, I was talking with two friends at lunch, and we were comparing notes about being work-at-home moms. One friend became a new mom around the same time I did, and she was sharing about trying not to take on as much and saying “no” more often, but she worried that people would think she was lazy if she didn’t take on all the work she possibly could. She admitted that what she often wants to do when she isn’t taking care of her child is nap or just watch television or read.

I sat there listening knowing that “lazy” was the last word I would ever use to describe this incredible woman who is living so many of her dreams and creating a beautiful life because she has followed her inner wisdom when making decisions. Yet, the old story of her thinking people see her as lazy was still tugging on her, especially when thinking about how she just wants to rest more.

My other friend and I gently challenged her, insisting that she isn’t lazy but that perhaps she actually needs to rest more. We talked about all the beautiful stuff and hard stuff that happens, and that when she has moments to herself, which don’t happen often, rest might be exactly what she needs.

I remember saying something like, “The opposite of not doing everything isn’t being lazy. Maybe the companion to working so hard and living your dreams and healing must be rest.”

The three of us experienced a beautiful moment as she began to unpack this old story and reframe her definition of rest.

A Piece of My Story

My current story involves really noticing the ways my body and heart want to rest. And what I’ve begun to see is that rest comes in many forms. For example, I rest by reading just for fun or napping when my daughter naps or just closing my eyes for five minutes and counting my breaths or stepping outside to listen to the birds or making something in my studio just for me or reaching out to a friend to hear her laughter. When I do one of these things, I find that the worry and the shoulds and the what ifs begin to fade for a little while, and I have a renewed energy to show up for my work and in the other roles I play in my life.

Another important piece is learning how to ask for support in getting more rest. I struggle with this one. It can feel decadent to say, “I’m going to pay the babysitter to come for three hours so that I can take myself out to lunch and I might even come home and take a nap after that.” And even as I write this, the guilt taps on me and I want to quickly reassure you that I’ve only done that once! But then I have to remind myself that the guilt that comes up about this really belongs to someone else because what I deeply know is that time spent alone is how I find myself again. If I don’t rest all those many roles I play, I will begin to disappear into them.

When I come out on the other side of rest, I so often find myself in the midst of this truth: Rest also helps me heal from the cracks living creates.

Rest helps us heal our old stories. Rest gives us space to let go of all the roles we play and just be ourselves for a little while. Rest gives us a break from all the over-thinking and the doing so much and the expectations and assumptions and the shoulds. Rest helps us see ourselves with gentler eyes so that we can invite in more love and less judgement.

I love the way SARK puts it in her book Change Your Life Without Getting Out of Bed when talking about how adults need nap time just like children do. She writes, “As adults, we still need these nap times. We need tender places to repair our souls and put special glue on the broken spaces.”

When I can see the little girl in me who needs these tender places to take a break from all that life has handed her over the years, I begin to see how creating space for rest becomes a beautiful act of self-love.

An Invitation

In this moment, I wonder what old stories have prevented you from resting and taking care of what you and your body and heart most need. Spend a few minutes writing about this. Just put pen to the page and see what comes up. Then, look for clues that might help you unpack why you don’t give yourself the gift of rest in all its possible forms. Consider making a list of the ways you do rest or ways you could start resting now. Put this list somewhere you can easily see it, so it can remind you to give yourself the gift of rest.

Liz Lamoreux is the author of Inner Excavation: Explore Your Self Through Photography, Poetry, and Mixed Media. In this moment, you might find her dancing in her studio to Mumford and Sons, making muffins with her two year old, writing a poem, or deeply enjoying the quiet found in a cup of tea. Connect with her at www.lizlamoreux.com

February 6, 2013

14 Days of Self-Love ~ Day Six: The Self-Love Cleanse by Valerie Tookes

Today’s 14 Days of Self-Love Post comes from the wonderful holistic health coach Valerie Tookes. I wanted to bring back her post from last year as it was so empowering to the readers and I felt like this message was so worthy of being spread again! If you’re looking for some extra inspiration, Valerie has some really powerful posts on her blog that explore self-love and self-care, my favourite being: Like an Elephant, Begin Again, Hello Beauty and Self-Esteem or Self-Love…Which do you choose?

This 21 day Self Love Cleanse, inspired by Ali Edwards, is a great way to love yourself up.

Step One: Grab your camera, journal, and printer.

Step Two: Take at least one picture of yourself every day. (I am a big fan of taking tons of tons of self portraits until I get one that captures something about that day.)

Step Three: At the end of each day, choose one self portrait that gives voice to something about you that day.

Step Four: Print out that photo and put it in your journal. It can be your regular everyday journal or one chosen just for the Self Love Cleanse. Regardless of which you choose, be sure that there are enough pages for the full 21 days.

Step Five: Once your image is in your journal, grab a pen and finish the sentence:

“I love you today because….”

Here is where you get to cleanse yourself of those negative voices. Your job is to think up one thing that you love about yourself today. It can be one word, or a long run-on sentence but I encourage you to think back on your day and really embrace something amazing that you loved about yourself on that day.

Did you make it through a tough moment with grace and dignity?

Were you compassionate to a stranger?

Did you shower love on your partner?

Or skillfully avoid an argument?

How did you show up for yourself or for someone else today?

What spectacular thing has you loving you today?

As with cultivating the daily practice of writing down what you are grateful for, the first few days may prove to be a challenge but keep it up. By the middle of the second week your mind is finding things to love about you and by the end, you will be loving yourself up with joy and ease.

Step Six: (definitely my favorite) On the 21st day, after your “last” image has been added to your journal and the last “I love you because,” written, sit down and read to yourself the story of your last three weeks. Read it slowly and savor each and every good deed, warm smile and loving gesture you managed to capture on the page and take a moment to let it sink in.

The person on these pages was seen, she was held and she was loved.

Valerie Tookes is a certified holistic health and lifestyle coach and owner of HER: Holistic Health, a WHOLEHEARTED approach to wellness.

Valerie helps clients create a personalized roadmap to health and wellness that suits your unique body, lifestyle, preferences, and goals. This multi-layered approach to coaching helps you make life long changes and step into a new relationship with the beautiful woman that you see in the mirror. She can be found at www.herholistichealth.com

February 5, 2013

14 Days of Self-Love ~ Day Five: Letting the Stories Fly by Vanessa Sage

I’m excited to welcome the lovely Vanessa Sage to the 14 Days of Self-Love project! Vanessa is a life coach and fellow Canadian and I’m so honoured that she’s sharing with us a bit about her present journey and how she decided to give herself some space to create and the lessons of self-love that brought her there.

When I was in the second year of my PhD program I knew I was on the wrong path. I had tried to create poetry out of my comprehensive exams, and I wasn’t in a creative writing program. Both before and after I went into my oral defense, my supervisor confronted me, asking:

“Are you an artist or an anthropologist?”

I didn’t know what to say, except: “both.” Only I had a feeling that was the wrong answer.

In that exam, I talked passionately about wanting to understand the evocative elusive beauty in things such as Andy Goldsworthy’s art (the way some anthropologists work to understand globalization, for example).

How he ground up stones from a river and then threw them up in the air to settle back into the same river. How the material of that river was unchanged, but the act of those stones flying through the air, as dust, changed it somehow. Profoundly.

Or perhaps it simply changed me, and that was the mystery.

Fragility, hope, art: these were my guiding words at the time. I wanted to understand how we make meaning out of these lives that we cannot fundamentally hold. Was this not anthropology?

Right now, as I write this, I’m in the middle of year seven of my PhD program. I’ve taken the courses, churned out the papers, done the primary research, talked to some pretty awesome people, and written a complete draft of my dissertation.

As I sit here thinking about doing the revisions (the almost final step of the program) my jaw tenses, my chest tightens, and tears fill my eyes.

I think to myself, “why did I choose to write about something so painful, and so close, for a piece about self-love?”

I remind myself to connect, let the story that needs to be told come out, and not to try and make it pretty. Getting to a place of love isn’t always pretty.

So this is the story that came out: me in that moment talking about river stones turned to dust, in a room with four of my professors staring at me, realizing I’d rather be a poet.

This is the story that has been sitting inside me for five years. It is the story I’ve used to beat myself up with: “Why didn’t I walk away? Why didn’t I become a poet?”

For five years I’ve been trying to walk two paths. Trying to make these two things make sense. I’ve done my very best. And while I know that I will always be an anthropologist, at my core, I know am an artist.

So, I’m giving myself a gift. I’m going away for three weeks in February to an artist’s retreat in Picton, Ontario to revise an academic work I wrote about artists (because that is what I ended up picking as my research topic). I’m giving myself time. I’m giving myself love.

No longer an academic but an artist.

And, you know, when I am an artist I truly love myself because, as simple as it may sound, I am truly being myself.

~
Vanessa Sage is a writer, coach and guide at Sage Life Consulting. Her work embodies an everyday kind of spirit that touches lives the way those stones ground into dust touched the river. She is also completing her PhD in Anthropology on a bourgeoning arts scene in Hamilton, Ontario…and is doing it as artfully as she can.

February 3, 2013

14 Days of Self-Love ~ Day Three: How to be Alone by Sas Petherick

Todays contributor is the wonderful Sas Petherick! Sas is a coach and she has so many beautiful offerings coming into the world this year including a really wonderful free E-Book called The Body Stories as well as an upcoming E-Course called Embodyment! She has created a wonderful video just for you sharing how honouring time alone helped transform her relationship to self-compassion and inviting you to join her in one of the tools she uses to create sacred solo space.

Sas Petherick is a writer and coach: a Life Transformer for people who want an Amplified Life full of woo hoo! moments. She spent almost twenty years helping thousands of people navigate change in their place of work, before a combination of loss and grief prompted her own transformation path. Sas is a CTI trained Co-active Coach, and is currently immersed in Martha Beck’s Life Coaching Programme.

As well as coaching one-on-one, Sas is putting the final touches on emBODYment: an online programme for women who want a powerful, conscious and peaceful relationship with their body. Find out more at www.saspetherick.com and on the twits @saspetherick

February 1, 2013

14 Days of Self-Love ~ Day One: Moments of Communion by Jenn Gibson

I’m so honoured to be bringing you a collection of guest posts in these coming 14 days, truthful tales of on the path of learning to love ourselves. To start off the series I am so excited to have the incredible Jenn Gibson, life coach and creator of Roots of She here to share a personal story with you about her journey.

If you somehow have never been to Roots of She, please go over there the moment you finish reading this post and prepare to spend the next hour there falling in love with the incredible community she has created there. It is truly one of my favourite online spaces and with the motto “Be Heard. Be Seen. Belong” you can see why so many of us are head over heels for ROS. Thank you Jenn for all you do…now without further ado, lets her Jenn’s powerful offering to the 14 Days of Self-Love titled Moments of Communion.

After months of feeling frustrated with my previous doctor and being sicker than I had been in years, I found a new endocrinologist.

I met with her last month, asked her questions, told her my story, listened while she made suggestions and offered advice.

I shared what my life is like living with an auto-immune disease.

She gave me eye contact, attention, presence. And then she showed me where my thyroid was.

I felt it, it’s so tiny, it’s such a tiny thing but it does so much and I told my thyroid that we’re in this together and we are going to get better and feel good.

Nothing else existed but my heartbeat and my fingertips touching bare skin and my tears.

Tears ran down my cheeks because what I felt was the deepest of communion with my body.

I’ve felt that sort of communion before – during sex and yoga practice and those slow moments moving from sleeping to waking. But for so long my body had been the enemy, something I was fighting against.

In those moments it was my friend, my ally, my comrade.
In those moments, I became my friend, my ally, my comrade.

In those moments, I lived and breathed and cried and hoped in solidarity with the one thing I’d been fighting against for years.

Letting go of that fight, it was another instance of putting down the rope, stopping the tug of war.

For the first time in years, my levels are stable, I don’t have to go back to the doctor for six months. Six long, spacious months.

Every single thing that’s happened over the past year has brought, carried, dragged, and led me here, to this beautiful point where my body is beginning to heal.

Will my auto-immune disease ever be cured? No.

But finally living a life where I can love this tiny hurt piece of myself is worth it. Forgiving this tiny hurt piece of myself makes it all okay.

Jenn Gibson is a life coach & the creator of Roots of She — a collection of true stories & tender wisdom for women, by women. As a coach, she focuses on foundational self-care, helping overwhelmed women learn to live simply, and simply live. Connect: Facebook :: Twitter : @rootsofshe.