Category Archives: Self Portraits

June 10, 2013

Stepping out From Behind the Camera

When I first started taking self-portraits, even before I started going outside to seek out the beauty around me (and within me) it began even closer to home.

Yup, in my bathroom.

It really is an amazing place to take self-portraits isn’t it? It usually has a mirror and it is the one place where people might not question what we’re doing taking time for ourselves there! It was truly the perfect place to begin. All I had to do was hold up the camera and click.

Soon though, I realized that it had become my comfort zone. Not just taking photos in the bathroom but the way that I took photos, where I often held the camera up to my face and peeked out from behind it or held it in front of me.

I liked my comfort zone but I also felt like there was a lot more one could do with self-portraiture and I wanted to try it. For so many of us who are the folks who are often behind the camera (with our families or as a photographer) as we dabble in self-portraiture, we might still want to be behind the camera (literally) when we take self-portraits.

I knew that when I found out how to get out from behind the camera I would be able to take some cool photos, but I had no idea it would be so much more than that.

So I wanted to share a few of the tricks I found for getting out from behind the camera in my self-portraits in case they would be useful to you and share a bit about the unexpected learning that happened when I let myself step into the frame.

Use the Mirror to See Your Viewfinder

So the first step in breaking out of that comfort zone was to stay in the bathroom (or in front of the mirror) but get out from behind the camera. One of the biggest tricks that helped me burst out from behind the comfort zone was actually the mirror itself. Whereas the iPhone I have now has a front facing camera so I can see myself as I take the photo, the simple point and shoot (and my first iPhone) didn’t. In a way it was good as I had to figure out ways to compose my photo without being able to see it as I was no longer looking through the viewfinder.

All I did to get out from behind the camera using the mirror was to actually turn my camera on myself as I faced the mirror….and what happens is that when we look in the mirror we can see the back of the camera! Now I was no longer behind the camera but didn’t have to shoot blindly (though that is fun too). Of course I did need to take lots of photos, but that is part of the fun!

Put Your Camera Down on the Ground (or a Tripod)

The next step in getting out from behind the camera was to get outside! I started to seek out fun spots at ground level to take a self-portrait. Most cameras have a timer, so getting to know it proves to be so useful.

If you are using an iPhone and you haven’t yet discovered the app Gorillacam, please go get it! Gorillacam is amazing. It allows you to use both a front or back facing lens on your iPhone but with a timer. You can also set the timer to begin in a certain number of seconds as well as set it to take a chunk of photos one after another. This is such a great way to get ourselves in front of the lens as we can move in our photos or try different things with out having to pause between each photo!

Getting outside and finding places to take self-portraits is a beautiful adventure. We might use a tripod or find some make-shift places to prop our camera or iphone but it expanded my self-portraiture adventures vastly to start stepping into the frame.

Let go of Control (in order to find it)

The big realization that came from this process was that by hiding behind the camera in my self-portraits I was wanting to retain control and to see what was happening as I was taking the photo. The big and unexpected discovery that happened when I let go of the control of seeing my self-portrait as I was shooting it was that by letting go of that type of control I actually made room for a different sense of being in my power in taking photos.

I think at first self-portraits can feel really vulnerable and we might think of all the photos we might have seen of ourselves taken by someone else where we felt out of control (or didn’t want to be photographed). I know that is the way I often feel when someone else takes my photo. But with self-portraiture, especially when we let go of visual control from behind the lens and we step fully into our photo, we might find a sense of freedom and at the same time a new sense of control.

When we are in the photo, our hand are now free and we get to be in our bodies. I know when someone takes a photo of me I tend to not feel in my body but I was amazed to discover that when I was in front of the camera (while still being the photographer) I was in control of it all. By stepping into the frame I got to find my way into being in my body. Often this is a little dance I do before the timer starts to just feel rooted or often it is that I can create some movement in the photo itself. When we free our hands from the camera we invite our body to move and create a space where we get to be the subject of a photo, but our way.

It felt like freedom to me yet at the same time I felt even more in control of my self-image than when I hid behind the camera!

Of course there are truly no right or wrong ways to take a self-portrait so sometimes I still like to take a self-portrait with my camera in the photo but I no longer feel like I’m hiding behind it! Do you perhaps have a similar comfort zone of having your camera in the photo with you or not letting go of looking through the viewfinder when you are taking self-portraits? Comfort zones are awesome and my goodness in the process of self-portraiture we sure do need to find them, but I hope if you are craving to step out from behind the camera in your self-portraits that these ideas will be useful to you!

May 28, 2013

Vanity and Self-Portraiture

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Let’s talk about vanity!

Now, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time as this is probably one of the biggest ways that self-portraiture gets pigeon-holed, as an act of vanity.

I so deeply feel that when people assume taking selfies is ONLY about vanity, we actually disempower ourselves (or one another) from the act of telling the story of our lives through images. I think we also make the idea of seeing ourselves as in these images and feeling good about what we see as wrong.

This has been one of the core values I’ve been building these courses around, taking vanity out of the conversation and focusing in on storytelling, on just picking up the camera and showing up for ourselves.

But is vanity wrong?

I feel like self-portraiture invites us to explore our relationship to our self-image and yes, vanity.

Truthfully, I don’t feel like I can say that ‘No, self-portraiture has nothing to do with vanity’ because I only have my own experience of it.

We all likely have different experiences of it.

For a teenager trying to figure out their identity, taking self-portraits (yes, even of the facebook/myspace profile variety) might be an incredible tool to dive into finding self-confidence and figuring out who they are.

For those experiencing invisibility through gender stereotypes, the whitewashing of media and advertisements and for those who’s bodies don’t fit the mold of what is typically seen as ‘beautiful’ the act of taking self-portraits can be a downright radical act.

For me, having felt invisible for much of my life and not beautiful, taking self-portraits in which the goal is to see my own beauty and even dabble in vanity has been deeply healing.

For a person who has always been seen as typically ‘beautiful’ the act of taking self-portraits might be about telling the story of who she is beyond her beauty.

Is seeing ourselves and liking what we see (especially if that is a new experience) wrong? Is it any less the experience of storytelling if we are telling the story of self-hate turning into self-love and reclaiming a bit of vanity?

So truthfully, I don’t think it is as simple as saying that self-portraiture isn’t about vanity.

But I don’t think the act of self-portraiture is vain.

I do feel like self-portraiture invites us to explore our relationship to seeing ourselves with in a positive way, to see ourselves kindness and that involves liking what we see. To reclaim vanity or to throw it to the wind, whatever our story and our relationship to our self-image needs to shift towards a place of self-love.

I think self-portraiture can be a radical tool to see ourselves with love. That’s what I know.

Whether it is through embracing vanity, getting dressed up and seeing ourselves as beautiful because society (or people in our lives) don’t tell us that and we need to find it for ourselves. Whether it is ditching vanity and focusing on the story in the photo or whether it is focusing on the every day moments or the artistry because that is what calls you. I feel like all of these ways of taking self-portraits are deeply worthy. You are deeply worthy of taking self-portraits for any darn reason you’d like!

What matters is that we chose to pick up the camera and give ourselves the chance to feel worthy, to feel like enough, to see ourselves truthfully in the moment, to even feel beautiful or to feel more than beautiful, to feel in control, to feel empowered…to make space for whatever experience needs to unfold.

There is no wrong or right reason to take a self-portrait in my mind, yes even for the sake of vanity.

What matters is that we give ourselves the chance to be seen with kindness, by ourselves.

So bring it on, any way you like!

If you’d like support on your path to see yourself with kindness, come join me for the upcoming session of Be Your Own Beloved. Class starts November 1st!

May 20, 2013

Little Adventures

On this weekends adventure to Washington State, even though it was just a day trip, it was fun to just engage in the energy of travelling, even if only for the short time.

One of the things I love about getting out of town is the unexpected, the in between moments. The bits of time in between plans where you can just look up at where you are and take a little self-care photo walk.

Just wandering around a town I don’t know makes me seriously happy (with my camera of course). Something about being in a place I don’t know brings up the energy of acutely noticing, of just seeing with new eyes. I especially love taking these little photo walks because while being in a car is a much easier way to travel, just getting feet to ground in a new place makes me really feel like I’m experiencing a place, not just seeing it rush by the car window. I had 2 little bits of adventuring at the start and end of saturday’s photo adventure and in each of those short stretches of time I went on a little wander just to see what might catch my eye.

In Bellingham, just after getting off the bus I spotted it, this patch of tall grass with yellow flowers across the street. I wandered over there and couldn’t resist putting down my iPhone and using the Gorillacam app…stepping into the frame to capture some photos of this day of adventure.

Then, off on the grand adventure away from the rain, through the mountains to the sunny forest that I shared a bit about in yesterday’s post. At the end of that beautiful day I ended up needing to change my travel plans and found myself taking the train home from a town I had never been to: Everett Washington.

After getting my train ticket I had some time to spare and while the town looked pretty industrial in that area, I felt drawn to wander around a bit on a photo walk. I headed up the hill and there it was, this gorgeous mural. It was kind of the last thing I expected to find in that moment. This week in Be Your Own Beloved we had been seeking out messages of love (hearts, words, notes) as reminders to cultivate self-love and I smiled big when I saw that there at the bottom it was…the words ‘You are Loved’. It was a beautiful reminder that wherever you are, there is indeed love. Here are a few more iPhone captures of that sweet little one city block photo walk in Everett!

Have you found that too, that sometimes it is the little in between moments, the unexpected explorations that really add something special to a trip?

May 15, 2013

Truth Telling

Each time I’m running Be Your Own Beloved I take part in the class too. I’m so loving how each time I do, even though they might be the same prompts, I experience them differently.

I feel like its important for me to be right there alongside them doing this work as they are bravely engaging in the activities.

But at the same time I also am doing it for myself. Because this self-love journey is so multi-layered. Because these prompts come from my own healing journey and they aren’t meant just to do once and suddenly we see ourselves with love and the inner critic disappears. Because doing these same prompts again I’m amazed at how much new realizations emerge. New layers of the healing.

I try to take my self-portraits with my iPhone as I participate alongside the participants. In this class, more than ever, I really want people to not feel the need to take a ‘perfect’ photo. That it isn’t about having a fancy camera or even knowing how to use it. Its just about showing up in our own photos. Our inner critic can come out in reference to our self-image but also to feeling as though our photograph is ‘enough’.

Yesterday’s photo was one of those ‘digging in deeper’ moments for me. I shared this with the participants in the flickr group:

The truth of today is that I see tiredness in my own eyes, I see me but without a spark.

The truth of today is that I really wanted to retake this and not share it.

The truth of today is that I often do reshoot until I get one that I really feel like I can see myself with kindness in but that today I stopped myself from shooting more because I really want to share more of the ones in between, the ones that are outside of my comfort zones and really show up for you amazing #beyourownbeloved participants and not just with happy jumping photos and feeling sassy. So this is the truth of today.

Now, I think sometimes folks might think that because I do this work that taking self-portraits is easy-breazy, that I’m 100% comfortable with taking photos.

But its the opposite. While its not so much outside of my comfort zone to take out the camera and engage in the act of taking self-portraits, the work of seeing myself with kindness is ongoing and ever evolving. I’m definitely feeling the effects of years of doing this work and am seeing myself with much more compassion lately. Yet that doesn’t mean taking selfies is always easy (mind you….I do make sure I have fun amidst the work of self-compassion).

Like yesterday when I took that one and felt drawn to see her with compassion, with her tired eyes and a shot I might have normally retaken.

So I wanted to share this moment with you. The in between. The days when just showing up in front of the camera and telling the truth of the day is more than enough.

May 7, 2013

Freedom in the Forest

On Sunday I went out to the forest on my new vintage bike, to this spot by a creek that I love to take photos at. Not a soul came by the whole time I was there taking photos which absolutely rocked (and is so rare in the city).

I was shooting a photo for this months She is Three Triptych and brought along a scarf to use as a prop! I remembered these photos by the wonderful Brooke Schmidt taken when she participated in one of my courses, and got inspired to try doing some Brooke-inspired throwing around of the scarf!

Oh my goodness…it was actually super challenging!

Seriously, probably over 100 shots to get a few I loved BUT every single shot was fun to take. I hadn’t brought my remote but I’m sure it would it have made it a lot easier (or maybe not, that scarf moved wild and free and I never knew what it was going to do when I threw it up in the air)!

It was also fun to use the Gorillacam app on my iPhone. You can set it to take a whole lot of photos at once so I set it to 30 shots and just danced around and had fun!

Here are some of my favourites outtakes that came out of this adventure and peek over at She is Three today to see the one that got included in this month’s Triptych!