Category Archives: Self Portraits

May 6, 2013

New Wheels & a Lesson in Confidence

On Saturday I was heading home from ‘The Drive’, the main street in my neighbourhood and I stumbled across a yard sale.

There she was, shiny and red, cute and vintage. Unlike any other bike I’ve seen.

I asked the price, sure that once I heard it I would easily be able to pick up my groceries and walk home without it.

But then she said it, and it was wicked cheap. So I put down my groceries and gave her a spin.

3 gears,

pedal brakes

big tires

and she’s a folding bike

She rode like a dream and after that trial ride she became mine. I was smitten.

I went home, got my helmet and then headed out to the seawall, a bike path that weaves around the waters edge of this coastal city. I was worried at first that something was wrong, that there was a reason she was so affordable and that I’d need to do repairs but it was such a beautiful ride.

It reminded me of my bike at my parents house that I ride when I’m visiting for cottage time in the summer. Somehow pedal brakes and minimal gears just feels like summer to me, when you just can’t help but coast more and feel happy.

And then my gremlins a.k.a. my inner critic appeared.

Now, my gremlins and I have a long history and after lots and lots of work (and putting them in their place) we’ve kind of been at peace lately.

But there they were rearing their meanie selves again.

I’d bike past store windows and look at my reflection, much like I used to and judge how wide I looked from the side walking by a store window. Did I look like a fool on this bike? As I big girl, do I look silly riding this little bike? Is this bike too funky for me?

This went on for about 5 minutes and my gremlins ranted and raved and sucked the pleasure out of the moment. I remembered how icky it felt to have my gremlins taking over. So I had a conversation with myself that went something like this:

“Do you feel a sense of freedom on this bike?”

Yes.

“Does this bike make you happy”

Yes.

“Does this bike feel really comfortable to ride”

Yes.

“Will this bike allow you to be more free in getting around the city?

Yes.

“Will this bike be able to come on travel adventures with you because it is foldable?”

Yes

“Does this bike make you want to put on vintage dresses and ride it with style?”

Heck yes.

Then this bike is meant for you, and you have to honour it by rockin’ it with confidence.

And I looked up.

Towards me were biking two guys on tall bikes, then a couple on a flourescent pink tandem bike. A few minutes later a recumbant bike and then yes, even a unicycle. Then more and more, people of all body types and ages riding bikes by me. As each of them passed me I had to smile as it felt like the universe was listening and reminding me of this.

You can rock anything if you gather up the confidence to.

But when we get so caught up in our inward chatter, we miss the opportunity to feel really a part of a community that celebrates uniqueness if we just open up to noticing them.

So I let my shoulders relax.

And smiled the rest of the way home. People smiled widely back at me, not because I was riding a funky bike but because I was riding it with a gigantic happy smile on my face.

I wanted to share this with you in case you happen to adventure outside your comfort zone today and have an unexpected visit from your own inner critic. Look up, look outwards and see the beautiful brave diverse world around you and let yourself shine within it.

P.S. A new session of Be Your Own Beloved starts very soon…and is totally an experience where we get the opportunity to say NO to our inner critic, choose our own path and look up and see an amazing community of women ready to encourage & support us!

April 18, 2013

The Importance of Outtakes!

Yesterday I went out for a wander to the local community garden in my neighbourhood. There are actually 2 community gardens a block apart. The first one, Cottonwood Gardens, is my happy place these days. But on that day it was packed full of gardeners (which is awesome) so I headed over to the second one a block away.

What I love most about taking photos or self-portraits in a community garden is that there is always SO much to see so it is easy to try one spot and if it isn’t grooving, move on to another. I had done this for a while, trying a few spots and then found my way to a beautiful blue shed and started taking some arms length selfies with my iphone.

30 photos later I felt totally happy from the experience and looked through them and found the one that felt most like me. The one that I could look at and feel like I see the woman I am becoming.

As usual after a photo walk I picked a few from the day to share on Instagram and felt drawn to share this one.

But I wanted to tell you how I got there and talk about how important the other 29 photos were.

I feel it is so easy to assume that someone just reached out their arm and got that one shot that they are sharing on Instagram or Facebook.

But for all of us (all of us, for reals) it is often a number of shots until we get that one that feels just right. I usually change angles, turn from side to side to see which light I like better and truthfully it often takes me a number of shots to just settle into the moment and get settled in my body.

The more photos we take, the more opportunity we give ourselves to get the photo that feels really empowering.

I also feel like those other 29 photos are just as valuable as that one. That even if they didn’t get picked for that one that I felt the most connected to, they are all me…showing up in front of the camera. We don’t tend to get that one (or many) we loved without the rest.

In Be Your Own Beloved we aren’t exploring how to take the perfect self-portrait or even capturing a certain type of beauty. Not at all, quite the opposite in fact. In BYO Beloved I am inviting you to just create the space to be seen, by you (and if you’d like, by the community in the class who are all doing the same brave act of seeing themselves with kindness).

Self-portraiture isn’t just about seeing ourselves with kindness too…it is about making space to say ‘this is me today’ or ‘i am worthy of this today’ or ‘I love this moment and want to capture it’ or ‘I feel ______ today’. It is about inviting ourselves into the visual story of our own lives.

And that process involves outtakes!

Often lots of them in fact.

So I wanted to tell you that this time (and every time I share a selfie) that it is one of many. That it might have taken 5 minutes or 20 minutes to get that photo. That I might have only loved this one or I might have been proud of many of them and that while I do this for myself. I do it in hopes that you will pick up your camera too and make the space for yourself today. I want to live it in hopes that each time I do you will feel braver in trying it yourself.

So, just in case you need it today, lets give ourselves permission to take a whole lot of photos today!

And I wanted to share some of the outtakes with you! The first are some outtakes from that one shot and the others are some outtakes for taking some jumping shots (and oh my….you often need to take even more to get that one jumping shot where you get air)!

April 17, 2013

Evening Wanderings

I love a good photo walk something fierce.

In this season especially.

It is:

the unknown, not knowing what you will find.

seeing things anew, even though I usually wander the same neighbourhood.

the late in the day light and the fast moving, ever changing, golden glow and beauty of it.

the noticing of community: friends having a beer on a back porch, family dinner with the windows open, a bonfire.

the re-energizing and transformative power of just making the space for self-care through these wanderings and the way I always come back feeling better than when I went out on the photo walk.

Have you gone on any evening photo wanderings lately? Please share a link…I’d love to see a glimpse of your world!

March 29, 2013

Oprah + Self-Love Graffiti + Selfies + Me = One Amazing Day

Did this really happen?

Is Oprah’s photo really on the same page as one of my self-portraits?

I’m still kind of shocked to say, yes!

Today took an unexpected turn when the lovely Catherine Just emailed me to let me know that she had just gotten a newsletter from Oprah.com featuring one of my photos in it (and i LOVE that she knew right away it was my photo)! Here’s a link to the article! And here is a link to a second image of mine in the slideshow!

Oh my gosh!

I did know that there was a chance this photo could end up somewhere related to Oprah as a writer contacted me a month or so ago to ask permission to use some photos from this blog post in an article but that it was for the Oprah Page of the Huffington Post (which was exciting enough) but to find out this morning that it was actually on Oprah.com instead was VERY cool!

For someone who grew up watching Oprah’s TV show almost every afternoon after school as a teen, this feels kind of surreal!

I’m feeling extra grateful that this photo in particular was used, not because it is a fancy photo at all but because self-portraiture as a way to cultivate self-love is the message I feel I have to most offer the world so it feels pretty powerful that that is the message that ended up there!

And I hope it will inspire people to take out their sidewalk chalk and leave messages and to keep their eyes open for these secret messages from the universe.

Thank you so much for celebrating this with me my friends! This definitely doesn’t happen every day!

March 21, 2013

Why Photo Walks Feel like Self-Care

Yesterday pouring rain broke open to wide open blue skies and I knew this was the moment to put down the computer and work and get outside.

I had a new prompt I wanted to try for the upcoming session of Be Your Own Beloved but I didn’t know exactly where my feet would take me.

That’s the wonder of photo walks for me (and it likely is or could be for you too). I may go to the same place I went the week before but the light will be different, something I never saw before will catch my eye and new flowers will be bursting up from the ground or on the end of branches.

I headed down to the community garden that has become my new favourite spot. It is about a 10 minute walk from home and is on the edge of a park. It is most definitely urban, with trucks zooming by on the street nearby, dogs barking at the SPCA across the street (and lots of cute ones being taken for walks by volunteers) and plenty of folks working on their garden plots. Yet at the same time it is a really lovely patch of nature within the city.

On days like this, photo walks feel like a bit of a luxury, that I can put down my work and follow the lead of the light, but in a way they aren’t a luxury at all. They are a self-care tool I’ve learned along the way.

I remember the days when I first fell in love with photography. I was working night shifts, only getting to sleep in the morning and much of the year having only a few hours of light to experience before the darkness came again and I had to go back to work. It was a lifeline in those days, a way to deeply experience those few hours of light I have and to feel in some way….alive and a part of the world.

I notice if I don’t get out even for a walk around the block every so often I feel it. Yes, it is fun. But is is also self-care, making space to just put one foot in front of the other and go seeking some beauty. For me these walks began as self-care and now that photography is my work, I try to keep the same energy…not having it be about getting a certain shot or result. Actually I usually come home with at least a few photos that I love, often something that I couldn’t have planned out but found from engaging in that sense of wonder of just going out and being witness to the beauty around me.

I definitely find that it isn’t just a self-care took I need on days when it is bright and sunny and I feel energized. It is actually something I need to do on days when I don’t feel like it, as it has a way of shifting the energy, sending me home with a camera full of unexpected energy and beauty captured in my camera. It isn’t just about getting content for blog posts, by any means. It is about:

Engaging with the world around me

Making discoveries

Savouring light

Clearing my head

Moving my body

Slowing down

Being open to the unexpected

Do you find photo walks are self-care too? Or could it be something you could try to create for yourself?