Category Archives: Self Portraits

October 18, 2012

Awkwardness

I’m a Leo, so the summer is my time. I feel energized, connected, thriving and alive.

Then summer shifts to fall and my words get caught up in my mouth and spill out with stutters and foggy pauses. I feel the intense urge to go inward, which I know I need but I also know will swiftly shift to having too much time alone and my social awkwardness gains momentum.

I’m not sure how to shift it, or if this is just the way of the fall for a Leo, stumbling over my own feet once the light shifts away.

This year, I’ve decided to not berate myself over it. I’m embracing my awkwardness.

I’m letting my friends into seeing the me who can’t get her words out or who is even more awkward than usual. I’ve learned a lot this year about friendship and letting friends in more, to see the more messy me. It has felt really beautiful to do that and know that we can all be really ourselves with each other to a greater depth.

Being in an awkward phase these days has me thinking about self-portraiture too (which is generally always on my mind). In my classes I talk quite a bit about making space for the parts of ourselves that need to step into the photo and tell their story. That we might not know what parts of ourselves they are until we allow space for them and it can be profoundly healing to do this.

I’ve known for a while that one of those things is my awkwardness. Self-portraiture, for me, always has been and I always expect it always will be to create a space to feel free in my own skin.

In those moments where I’m on an abandoned railway or in the forest, with no one around, I find myself ‘dancing like no one is watching‘ and often that movement is completely and totally awkward but wildly free. I’m so grateful to year of taking Nia dance for allowing me to shift to this place of freedom in dance. Its an awkwardness I can embrace as it represents freedom to me.

I’m creating a space where my awkwardness is welcomed.

These photos also don’t often make it to flickr, or to my blog and often they don’t actually look all that good but I know that what is more important is that I have the space for all of me…the me that moves in a way that looks fabulous in a photo and makes me feel really good about myself (which are totally important) and the space for the awkward in me too.

Seriously…I really can’t believe I’m sharing one of my super awkward dancing photos with you but like I said, I want to tell you more truths and honour that this awkwardness needs space too.

October 4, 2012

Bike Ride Self-Care

Two wheels, one black bike, a pathway lined with dozens of hearts.

I knew it would be some good self-care to get out on my bike yesterday, but the heart lined pathway was a sweet surprise. Sometimes just getting out to the forest is exactly what I need. Today was one of those for sure. I ended up taking photos for 3 different projects and came back feeling more rejuvenated and inspired than I’ve felt in a long long while.

Oh, bike ride self-care. I need to remember to manifest you more often!

Here are some shots (and a silly out take) from yesterdays bike ride photo adventure.

September 27, 2012

Why I Take Self-Portraits

Because I’m taking control of the way I see myself in photos

Because I love going for photo walks and taking that space for myself

Because I’m redefining my relationship to beauty, on my terms

Because it is playful and lets a part of myself out that otherwise is often contained

Because capturing the twirl of a skirt or a light flare feels like magic to me

Because I am chubby and I don’t want people to believe you need a certain body type to take self-portraits

Because I am telling an ongoing, ever-evolving visual story

Because I know how it feels to not feel free in your body and to be told your body is wrong

Because it makes me slow down during my day and notice the world around me

Because I don’t want to be absent from the visual story of my life

Because I want people to be inspired to turn the camera on themselves

Because it is me, showing up for myself

Because I can look back and see my life through photos, with me in them

Because it is not vain to take your own photo. It is a tool to untangle negative stories and transform them into new empowered ones!

Oh…and if you’re craving to explore seeing yourself with kindness through your camera & explore self-portraiture, join me for Be Your Own Beloved!

September 19, 2012

Self-Portraits on the Beach

I’ll confess I was tired after a long walk around town.

For once I didn’t actually even feel like taking self-portraits, but I went down to the beach anyways.

{its not all me skipping and twirling down the sidewalk taking self-portraits all the time…i definitely struggle with taking selfies too sometimes}

There were a few people there and I wasn’t feeling brave enough to take self-portraits right away. So I wandered further and further down the beach. Rocks in shoes, sun shining fiercely. The further I went, the more free I felt and finally I felt ready to pull the camera out.

I know it always makes me feel good to pull out the camera. So I did.

Energy returned as I twirled, raised my arms, jumped, tiptoed on logs.

I may not have gotten an epic shot, but it really wasn’t about that. It was about this time, this place. Remembering this beautiful solo weekend in which I created space for a new project (of the big dream sort) to be birthed onto the page. Remembering the hours working on it and how I could look up and see the ocean ahead. Remembering the breaks needed to replenish after the output of work and the long walks I’d take around town.

Often, its just about documenting a moment in time, with so many stories other than the obvious one that become embedded in the photo to me.

September 6, 2012

Behind the Photo: Choosing to See Beauty

The other day, I went out into the pathway behind my house in my red boots to take a photo.

I shot a whole variety of photos within a few minutes, with people walking by on the sidewalk behind the path. When I finished, I checked out the collection as a whole. Some were blurry, some too close, and a lot of them made me smile.

The above one was my favourite.

But there was a moment where it could have gone the other way.

I wanted to share this photo with you and tell you a little bit about the story behind it. The story that could have been and the one that I chose.

You see, the original photo didn’t look like the one above. It is this:

A sideways angle, a flowy shirt and a happy belly (that just had some dairy which it doesn’t digest well and gets bloated) and simply the shape of my body, led to a photo that could have easily been deleted if I focused only on the not so flattering parts. I actually feel more comfortable in my body than ever these days and am not ashamed of my curves, but it is still vulnerable to share this photo.

Because it is vulnerable taking self-portraits.

Its vulnerable seeing ourselves in photos.

Its vulnerable being human beings for goodness sakes!

But, one of the skills self-portrait photography has taught me is that I always have a choice. I have a choice to take more photos until I get the one I feel good about. I have the choice to transform a photo by cropping it creating the result of a photo that holds positive energy for me, rather than negative.

Do we want to focus in on seeing the negative, or do we want to transform it into something that makes us feel sassy, even beautiful? Because the cropped version of this photo absolutely makes me feel that way.

I normally don’t share photos that are outtakes like this, but I wanted to as I feel like the story behind the photo could be useful if you’re wanting to take self-portraits but feeling vulnerable about it.

Or in case you have a photo you might have written off because of part of it, that you transform and re-write into a new story with by cropping it.

Or in case you’re craving to join me for the next session of Be Your Own Beloved or Beloved Beginnings, I wanted to share this story with you.

If you have a photo that you’ve taken where cropping transformed a negative story into a positive one (or a time in life, when a choice you made had that effect), I’d love to hear your story!