Category Archives: Selfies

June 25, 2018

Becoming Familiar to Ourselves through the Lens

I took this photo yesterday and had that feeling of “there you are”. That feeling of recognition. Of familiarity. Of feeling at home in myself and seeing that reflected in a photo.

But it was interesting to notice because this was not a typical kind of selfie that I would have that experience in. As up until about 6 months ago this perspective wasn’t in my repertoire of how I would take photos of myself. 6 months ago I probably would have taken his photo and not felt that homecoming and self-recognition as it was a very unfamiliar way of seeing myself.

In my classes we explore this idea of becoming familiar with ourselves again and it felt interesting to notice this as I see it as a direct result of shaking up the way I was taking my photos. Normally I’d be taking it from above, like a typical selfie, but in Body Curiosity we shook that up and took photos from all sorts of unexpected perspectives with the intention of refamiliaring and renormalizing seeing our body again. And while I have experienced that process time and time again in this healing journey, it felt cool to notice it right when it was happening today and I wanted to share that with you.

We pick up the camera and take a photo wanting that self-recognition, wanting to feel like we know the person looking back at us. But I think we often get stuck in seeing ourselves only through one perspective, one typical way of taking an image of ourselves. Or we get stuck in yearning for that recognition (and often we feel that by meeting societal body standards and getting that validation) in feeling recognized as ‘beautiful’ or ‘photogenic’ and take photos in the ways that we know we’ll recognize ourselves in those ways. But that’s external recognition. That’s not what heals us. That’s not what changes us. Internal self-recognition does.

And through these experiences I believe more than ever that we can find that internal self-recognition with ourselves. That any kind of photo, if we experience it regularly and meet it with as much compassion as we can on that day, will lead to being able to eventually see it and experience it as a familiar perspectives of ourselves. To recognize our body and ourselves in it and see ourselves from a non-judgemental, neutral perspective. Indeed, this process of re-normalization takes time (and there is no one timeline) but it’s these moments where we take a photo that we might have critiqued in the past and say “Oh, there you are!” and see ourselves with that recognition.

Let’s spark that that process of coming home and becoming familiar to ourselves through our own lens. If you’d like a guide in that process, come join me for one of the upcoming E-Courses like the 30 Day Be Your Own Beloved E-Course or the Take Your Selfie for Yourself E-Course (don’t hesitate to write to me via the contact form if you’re not sure which one is the best fit for you).

April 9, 2018

The Selfie that Changed Me

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This was one of the photos I took in my own selfie practice that broke open a new level of healing for me. It broke the rules of what is ‘flattering’ and challenged that in me. It broke rules of how much of these rolls on my body ‘should be seen’ and how it should be seen. It was me taking a photo of my hand reaching into the frame, like I often take photos but this time I didn’t make the rest of my body invisible.

This is an example of how when we expand how we’re willing to SEE our body, we expand how far we’re willing to extend our compassion. SEEING my body in this way allowed me to neutralize my reaction to it.

It challenged me at first, yes. But the more I saw it, the less it brought up a reaction for me at all (well, that process of seeing a photo regularly that challenges us…combined with work around dealing with my own internalized fatphobia that comes with that reaction that would think a fat roll would negate my value or worthiness).

I see such beauty in this photo too. Especially now that there is no charge to it for me. The way the rolls flow in light and shadow, the way the lines of the dress add to the flow (a horizontal striped dress of course…something fat bodies are told not to wear, one of the rules I’ve long since ditched about what I should wear). I see these rolls as an old friend I’ve learned to love. I see them in this photo now that I’ve been working with it and it gives me comfort rather than a place of critique.

And the truth is I don’t know what you see in it. I can’t control how other people see my body and I no longer prioritize that. Because this body is mine, where I live and one I’ve learned to love and if anyone else has a problem with it, that’s their body stories coming up. Not mine.

We are in charge of how we see our own body and we have to reclaim that vision and that voice back for ourselves.

Seeing ourselves from different perspectives is one of the most pivotal tools for making peace with how we see our body. Which is exactly what we’re exploring in the upcoming Body Curiosity E-Course. And don’t worry if the idea of taking a photo like this is outside your comfort zone…you get to get curious about your body on your own terms and can decide how to explore the playful activities in a way that allows you to expand your comfort zone (and your self-compassion) at a pace that works for you.

Find out more about the Body Curiosity E-Course here.

January 31, 2018

What I Will (and Won’t) Teach you in Be Your Own Beloved

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I know when people hear about a class exploring selfies as a tool for self-compassion they often have a lot of preconceptions that come up, mainly because there are so many preconceptions around selfies. There are also so many ways I think we’re taught to use selfies in ways that actually don’t serve our self-worth.

So I thought I’d share some of the things I will and won’t be teaching you in Be Your Own Beloved!

What I won’t teach you in Be Your Own Beloved:

How to take selfies from only flattering perspectives
How to make yourself look ‘smaller’ in photos
The angle everyone should be taking their selfie at for it to be ‘good’
Apps you can use to alter your face or body to look totally different
The parts of your body you should be showing and should be hiding in your selfies (because I don’t believe that of course).
The kinds of selfies that you ‘should’ be taking to go viral

And here’s why I won’t be teaching you these things…because society already does. They are what we are told in most ‘How to’ articles about selfies. I think we learn the answer to them everywhere we look these days and more importantly they re-enforce the idea that your body isn’t enough.

Instead I want to teach you what the world hasn’t taught you through the lens. This class is a place where you give yourself permission to go outside of what you’re told and make space to feel SEEN (by yourself first and foremost).

I’ll be guiding you through the process of learning:

How to begin emerging into the lens gently (even if it feels vulnerable)
Different ways you can take a selfie outside of arm’s length photos
How to take selfies that feel like they tell YOUR story, not a story you feel like you should be telling.
How to make selfies a space for self-connection and personal truth telling
How to let go of expectations with yours photos and welcome in possibility
That you are inherently worthy, no matter what a photo looks like
How to claim space in your photo and give yourself permission to take the kinds of selfies you need to, to feel seen by YOU.
How ‘flattering’ angles just keep us in a box and if we approach ourselves with curiosity and kindness, we can see any angle with compassion (and that your photo doesn’t have to be ‘flattering’ to be worthy)
How to take a photo that you may not feel comfortable and use creativity to become more comfortable with it
That ‘good photos’ and ‘bad photos’ are boxes we put ourselves in that don’t serve us and we can break those boxes open
My favourite trick for finding light to let you shine in the moment (it’s super simple but whenever I teach this in person people’s jaws always drop because it makes ALL the difference).
That there is a person waiting for you in the photo asking to be seen and not have so many expectations placed on their worthiness
How we don’t have to get the perfect photo to be worthy. Nor does it have to be fancy or even take a lot of time. I’ll teach you how to let your simple selfie be enough (and some days you WILL have time to take more time with your photo). And that both are worthy photos.
How the practice of taking selfies can feel like coming home to ourselves and it’s not selfish to make this space for ourselves.

And I know, that’s a lot. But don’t worry…they come in really gentle activities that are beginner friendly and you don’t need photo experience or selfie experience to join in. Some of it I directly address in prompts and other things are what I’ve designed this class for you to experientially learn through the act of taking the photos (because being told an idea is one thing but experiencing it ourselves makes it even more powerful and life changing).

You also don’t have to be at any certain place with your selfie or body-compassion journey. Like I say in the welcome post I’ll send you once you sign up…all you need to do is show up for yourself each day with an open heart and willingness to experiment, explore and be open to possibility!

Come join me for Be Your Own Beloved! You can register here. I do want to mention that for the many years of offering this class I’ve been doing it 3-4 times per year but this year it’s just going to be twice so there will be a much longer wait for the next session than you might be used to. Just wanted to share that in case you don’t want to wait to start this exploration!

And of course, if any questions are arising about other things you’re wondering if you’ll learn in class don’t hesitate to ask me in the comments or use the contact form to connect with me. I’d love to hear from you.

December 31, 2017

Don’t feel seen by your #topnine2017? Choose your Own!

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You’re probably seeing lots of folks post their best 9 photos today as the year ends and we’re look back…and getting ready to move forward.

I’m all about tools for looking at our visual story so when I first heard about this tool a couple years ago, I was mighty excited. You can find the 2017 BestNine site here. It gathers together the nine most liked photos on your Instagram feed in the past year.

Except when I tried it a few years ago, I was surprised at what I saw. I was caught off guard at my reaction to it. It’s the one up top there on the left.

For saw that for someone who pretty much posts selfies, I was barely in my own top 9. That seemed so unexpected. There were lots of flower photos that folks liked but well, I’m not a flower photographer.

At first it actually really bothered me. Did people not want to see my selfies? Am I driving them crazy with all this talk of body acceptance and selfies when all they wanted was serene nature photos? Don’t worry, I know that’s not the case but just wanted to share my now internal dialogue at that moment (which of course is often fairly off base and reactionary).

Well, thankfully…I got over it and made my own best 9.

The lesson being of course, that we don’t have to define ourselves by other people’s likes and comments. Sure, it’s awesome when it does help us feel seen by others but we can’t define our worthy by that. We can’t only post what we think other people want to see. I actually see that happening in some ways in the body acceptance community which worry me (and honestly feel like diet culture imagery in a new form) but that’s something to rant about in another post!

All that to say that if you don’t feel seen in what other people are ‘liking’ the most…make your own.

Define your own visual story.

Create your own vision of your life, through your own lens.

Let yourself be seen by YOU first and foremost and prioritize that vision.

When I talk about the concept of #takeyourselfieforyourself that’s what I mean. Make sure you’re clear on what YOU feel about your self and the images you share first. Share what makes YOU feel seen rather than trying to please everyone else and post what you think you ‘should’. Because when we let ourselves feel seen by ourselves first and foremost then likes and comments become a bonus rather than where we define our worth.

And yes, the last few years of best nine photos were a good challenge for me in that case!

In a way I think it’s a good thing some years for us to have a different perception of ourselves than of what others want from us. It’s often where we wake up to our own needs, our own internal voice, our own self-definition. It can wake us up to where we feel missing in our own story and where we want to choose to narrate it differently.

My best nine this year…I LOVE and you can see it here. Mostly because it has lots of photos of my sweetheart and I as well as some other pivotal moments of the year like when I did a workshop and we all gave the camera the finger (fuck the patriarchy style) and I took that centre photo after. That one makes me smile big time!

I’m still going to make my own version too, though it will still include lots of those couple photos as that was a pretty pivotal and wonderful part of the year (yup, the be your own beloved lady is letting herself be someone else’s beloved again)!

So I want to challenge you, if you don’t dig your best nine of this or any year. Make your own. What are YOUR top nine images you shared in the past year. Which ones mean the most to you? Which ones allow you to feel seen in the way you are yearning to?

It might even be a powerful reflection practice to look at what people celebrate you sharing and whether that fits with what YOU want to share, how YOU feel seen, and what lights YOU up. And if you found that you weren’t in any photos on your top 9 because you’ve been avoiding the camera… and you’re waking up to the fact that it’s time to get back into your own visual story and let yourself be seen, come join me for the upcoming session of Be Your Own Beloved and I’ll help you re-emerge into visibility as we explore selfies as a tool for self-compassion!

If you have posted your best nine, I’d LOVE to see it whether it’s your own version or the websites version! If you’re on Instagram use the hashtag #beyourownbeloved (especially if you have selfies as a part of your mosiac this year) or share a link in the comments here so we can find you and see your look back at 2017!

December 28, 2017

2017 Selfies in Review

It’s been a long time tradition of mine to do a year in review of the self-portraits I took in the past year. These days we can often do that by looking back at our Instagram feed, but I find that when I do this process at the end of the year, I ditch any pressure to pick images that others might like and really choose them for myself (though I try to do this all the time with social media too).

It’s really powerful to look back at the story the images tell together. To see the images you might have struggled with in the moment but wouldn’t leave out now because of the pivotal part of the story they tell.

Wanna try it? It can even be as simple as taking 2 minutes to look back at your Instagram or or use this as a prompt for your own blog post and ponder things like:

Which ones feel like they tell the story of your year?

Which ones embody the ways you have grown/healed/changed throughout the year?

Which photos jump out at you?

What about this year feel important to be a part of the narrative you want to tell about this year (cause remember…we get to be the narrators of our own story)?

This year looks and felt quite different to me selfie wise, I think largely because I spent the year before and this year teaching the Body Peace Program. I’m grateful for the ways it has helped and changed folks who took part and it helped and changed me too as I was putting what I practice into action in an even deeper way than before.

There were some conscious things I was doing differently in my self-portraits and I definitely see that in these photos. Alongside the ways I usually like moving or standing in my selfies I challenged myself to step further out of my comfort zone and take a lot more selfies from angles that I was more unfamiliar with in my images.

I talk about how when we expand our comfort zone, our compassion grows to meet it and I most definitely felt that this year. The perspectives and images that I took photos from might be more ‘unflattering’ to someone else but to me they felt like I REALLY let myself see my body this year and the more I did, the more I didn’t react to these photos with any sort of critique. I can’t control what everyone else might think but I sure can control what I believe about my body and this year I chose to expand my own capacity to believe in my body and how I saw it.

In particular I felt like I had been taking photos that hid my belly. I took a LOT of sideways selfies this year as that’s the part of my body I wanted to invite in even more compassion for. And while I didn’t hide it so much, I wanted to see more of my chin, more of my arms, more of the signs of hitting 40, more unexpected and unfamiliar angles. I wanted to seek out the places I still struggled with seeing myself in images and make space for body compassion to sink in even deeper.

This became a practice. I’d catch myself taking the ‘usual’ perspective and challenge myself to go further. Some days I’d be up for it, others I wouldn’t. Sometimes the photos would REALLY challenge me (like the seated beach photo) but I’m glad they did because those are the ones that really changed me this year.

I started this year at a cabin I was renting with a friend and you’ll see lots of the Sunshine Coast of British Columbia in these photos. You’ll see the story of my love for my Vancouver Neighbourhood and Garden. I also fell in love and moved this year to Victoria, BC to be with my sweetheart so you’ll see that unique landscape and the process of connecting to place there as a theme in my images.

You can also check out previous years Selfies in Review Posts here: 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012 (yes…I missed last year and I hope to go back and do it…which was why I wanted to make sure I got back to this practice this year).

And I’ve got to say this year might be my favourite year to look back on yet. Not because the pictures are fancier or ‘better’ because to a photographers eye they may not be. But that practice of getting more of our body, and SEEING our body from not just ‘flattering’ angles. Well, it works. Many of these photos are ones I didn’t post on Instagram at the time as I was doing the work of seeing them with compassion and took them for myself first and foremost (cause while it’s mighty powerful to share our images in our body acceptance process…they also don’t have to be seen and liked by others to be worthy…it’s okay to keep the process as a personal practice)!

So here is a look back at 2017 through my lens.

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Especially if you have started taking selfies this year…what about gifting yourself with doing a post like this? Look back on each month of the year and pick your favourites or pick your top 12 of the year as a whole?

Why not gift yourself with this time even if you just look back on your year and acknowledge what happened, what has changed and how far you’ve come with stepping into the story of your life through your camera?

Or if you’re wondering how to make 2018 a year where you get your camera out more and step into your visual story…join me for the Be Your Own Beloved E-Course, or if selfies aren’t your thing join me for the new Re-Envision class (a rare non-selfie e-course) or if the idea of expanding your compassion towards yourself sounds like something you are drawn to, join the info list for the Body Acceptance Selfie Series 2018!

Join a Be Your Own Beloved E-Course